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[personal profile] darnaguen
 I've spent the last three days at home on sick leave (well, on Monday I worked for three hours before I had to give up).
It's a welcome (and currently much needed) break even though I've really started to enjoy my job, but I can't help feeling guilty so I can't really relax.

And what's wrong with me? I don't really know. I've suspected for a while now everything isn't quite right with me physically, but a couple of weeks ago I was getting ready to run some errands, taking my time putting on make-up and all, when I suddenly felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest right above my left breast. At first I wasn't worried, that kind of stuff probably happens occasionally to everyone. But those stabs kept on coming and I started to get scared. So I called 112 and got visited by some nice paramedics. They didn't discover anything life-threatening but told me to get the day off anyway and go see a nurse. The nurse suspected gallstones and booked me a doctor's appointment just in case, advising me to watch what I eat a bit.

The next two weeks went by quite normally, with only some discomfort , occasional random "stabs" in my torso and a nagging feeling that something isn't quite right in my abdomen.
I went to see the doctor on Friday and had blood tests and ECG taken. Her initial suspicion was that there's something wrong with my diaphragm, which would explain as all the worst stuff is focused on the left side and the "stabs" are often worse when I inhale. I'll only get the test results tomorrow so I went to work on Monday despite having been in a lot of pain over the weekend, but like I said, I lasted only three hours before I started having difficulty breathing because of the pain.

Now, I suffer from anxiety disorder so it was probably just that, the pain and stress at not knowing what's going on having triggered it. But it has effectively rendered me unable to work, which really sucks. I know, it's not my fault and I'm not just shirking my duties. But... gah. We really need every cent we can get at the moment, and I'm not paid for the days I'm not working. So, as they say in the army... SNAFU. :p
I'm just so tired all the time now, and just want to know what's wrong with me so I can deal with it and move on. *sigh*

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Okay, to avoid being a complete Debbie Downer, there HAS been something positive lately as well.

1.) As I said, I think I'm starting to figure things out at the bookstore. The bosses have started to trust me more and give me more responsibility. Now if I only can sort these health problems out, I think I may have a chance at getting a real part-time job there. So yay. :)

2.) I finally got around to watching North & South (BBC 2004) completely. I'd seen a part or two of it years ago when they showed it on telly, but my memories were really fuzzy. Anyway, to those of you who don't know: it''s a four-part miniseries based on the book by Elizabeth Gaskell. Its premise is similar to Pride & Prejudice with all the pride and prejudice and misunderstandings before the lovers finally get together, but it's also a hella lot darker and grittier. The setting is mostly a smoky industrial town in Northern England in the 1850s, so the Austenian Regency lightness is absent. People also get beaten up and killed and whatnot left and right.
But the leads Richard Armitage (as John Thornton) and Daniela Denby-Ashe (as Margaret Hale) are really gorgeous and amazing and have a delicious BST going on. Here, have a look:



(that's gotta be the raciest Victorian handshake between people who claim to kinda dislike each other EVER :D)

And I'm not even going to talk about the ending because you have to see it for yourself. But if you want to discuss it in the comments, you are very welcome. ;)
I can't say this about many men, but Richard Armitage does funny things to my heart. *swoon* If/when someone ever deides to film Susanna Clarke's Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, I will cry foul if anyone else is chosen to play the Raven King John Uskglass.

But anyway, if you haven't yet watched it and generally like pretty period dramas etc., do watch it. It also has a really pretty score. <3

3.) I ordered the first one of the Being Human tie-in novels from work and it was awesome. There were minor glitches like Mitchell snagging blood bags to snack on from the hospital and George being Annie's go-to guy when she needs comfort (okay, it does make more sense in the timeline of the second series), but otherwise the atmosphere was really authentic and it was great to have that little extra glimpse into their lives, with all the darkness and sweetness, humor and tragedy the show has. The three books form a single storyline despite having separate settings so of course I immediately had to order the next two as well. :D

-----

Okay, I guess that was it for now. Next time I'll answer your questions, [livejournal.com profile] liduen_loivissa . :)
Just one more thing before I go, just because this song is amazing. Spoiler alert, though:
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