darnaguen: (Default)
[personal profile] darnaguen
 I just heard someone from my past died yesterday. And I don't know how I should feel about it.

To clarify a little, he's the guy I'm talking about here.
So my first thought was "Good riddance." Then I realized I had tears streaming down my face. Yeah, complicated.
For all the crap he pulled, I did love him once. And he taught me a lot about myself, if indirectly.
I still think he could have chosen another path, that he still had hope when I met him. I wish he will in the next lifetime.

(Also funny: I had a strange, kind of wistful dream about him a few nights ago. Now I can't help but feeling it was a goodbye.)

Some people I know who knew him feel like celebrating. And I can't blame them. He caused a lot of damage.
To me as well. But still...

Run free, brother. I hope you will find the Moonlight Realm.

----

Kerran, kylmän keväisen kuutamon alla,
alla taivaan harmajan, hiljaisen,
kuljin kanssaan suomaalla vierahalla
sieluni toivetta etsien.

Ei kuu meille näyttänyt kasvojaan,
kuten tähdetkin, peittivät pilvet sen.
Me jäimme lammelle istumaan
aivan hiljaa, yötä kuunnellen.

Oli huurteessa metsä ja roudassa maa,
peitti jääriite soistuvan lammen pintaa;
vaan kaks' oli liekkiä palavaa
mi korvensi kahden yön lapsen rintaa.

Paloi veressä yö, kaipuu rinnassa soi,
vaisto vaati kutsua seuraamaan.
Vaan kutsuun ei kumpikaan vastata voi -
ihmisiä me olemme, orjia vaan.

Vapautta mi hain, sitä löytänyt en,
rauhaa sydämeeni en löytänyt lain.
Vaan vääristyi olemus totuuden
ja itseni pahemmin kahlitsin vain.

On kaukana kuunvalon valtakunta,
sinne pääsenkö koskaan? Tiedä en.
Nukkuu vierelläin veljeni suden unta
-kenties vapauden polkuja kulkien...

-Spring 2004
(deleted comment)

Date: 4 Dec 2010 15:12 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darnaguen.livejournal.com
I agree with you. I mean, I did despise him for what he did (trying to kill my sister -among other things- isn't something I'll let go easily), but I don't think wanting to dance on his grave accomplishes anything, nor does it take away the wrongs he did.

But people are different and there are those who can only let go of the wrongs they've suffered once they have had some kind of cathartic "revenge", and I guess getting drunk to celebrate the demise of someone you hated (for a reason) is not the worst way one can achieve that. :/

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darnaguen

November 2013

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