darnaguen: (badwolf)
We've lived apart for a week now, though we've been officially broken up for more than a month.

And this, I suppose, is the part where it starts to really sink in. Not surprising, considering we pretty much kept acting like a couple while we still lived under the same roof.

But yeah. I miss him.

As a romance we were pretty much a disaster from the beginning. We just never could click on that elusive level necessary for a romantic relationship to truly work, I guess, or were just fundamentally different enough in views and goals and ways to communicate. But while it's clear we're better off apart, it was five years' worth of valuable lessons for both of us, and in a way we were really good together too.

So yeah, I miss him. I miss his smell. His weird babblings. Curling up against him at night, or when watching tv-shows on the bed or the couch. The sound of the coffeemaker. Watching him play Skyrim or Tomb Raider and offering comments or advice, and talking about video games in bed before falling asleep. The Chinese food he cooked (fat chance of me bothering to cook for myself) and taught me to appreciate. The sound of him watching Top Gear in the other room. Him calling me "kultapallo" exasperatedly. Just... him.

I mean, I haven't lost him or anything, he's still in my life and lives a block away and our breakup was pretty damn easy and friendly, so far at least.
But it's just different now and I have to get used to the new rules, and that's confusing (first breakup at 27, fuck yeah). I must admit I kinda hoped we might maintain a more casual relationship, still seeing each other and visiting each other to watch movies and stuff and cooking together etc.. But he might want to take a little distance, and I understand that, really. So I must suck it up and learn to be on my own. I really don't want to be some clingy ex stereotype. :p
But loneliness is s tough bite to chew for a pack animal, so to speak.

(This has also made me ponder on some deep shit about relationships in general, about whether I'm even capable of a so-called normal romantic relationships. I don't think I've ever actually been in love, and "normal" courtship rituals just baffle me, and my views of an ideal relationship are probably a little unconventional. So... foreveralone.gif :p)
darnaguen: (ot3)
I was, once again, supposed to post something actually relevant, as I have tons of things I've been meaning to write about lately but haven gotten around to actually do. And I also meant to reply some of the comments in the previous entries I have neglected doing mostly due to my absent-mindedness. Sowwy. :] I'll do it tomorrow, I promise.
Instead I randomly decided to do one of the memes that have been on my to-do-list for a while (I'll do the interests one next, [livejournal.com profile] depi!) because I feel strange and I'm a bit sugar high and the heat has all but melted my brain. :p

Anyway, here we go, copied from [livejournal.com profile] thepoisonbeauty:

So, who would Darna shag? )
darnaguen: (monkey island)
Another adventure in moonlit Helsinki night behind, then.
And this time, fortunately, I wasn't left with that much to regret.

FME was rather lame this year for some reason. Not nearly enough familiar faces or stuff to do, so I quite understand why Ella was less than impressed and wanted to leave early before even seeing Turisas.
But well, at least we got to chat a bit with The Other Wild-haired Guy Named Tuomas In Finnish Metal Scene Who Plays A White Slanted KORG (AKA Tuomas Planman of the Norther fame, he seemed like a really nice guy :)), meet Rici albeit briefly (that girl is really spoiling me, I owe her at least three drinks by now) and witness Mr. Guitar Hero himself, Alexi Laiho, wander around looking somehow adorably baffled and drunk. I don't think very many even recognized him, as he wasn't wearing any makeup and his hair is dark now.

But anyway, we left after the Finnish Metal Awards (Nightwish won two of the cathegories they were "nominated" in, Mokoma swept the rest) to go to the downtown drinking with Petri, Santtu and Ville. Missing Turisas was a bit of a drag, but it was forgotten as soon as we got to our destination: Molly Malone's. According to my knowledge, the most genuine Irish pub outside of Ireland (alongside O'Connell's in Tampere, perhaps). And boy, it didn't disappoint. *big grin*
There are many reasons why I wouldn't like to live in Helsinki (too big, too crowded, people are generally rude etc.), but she has her advantages. Places like Molly's, for example.
It's cozy, warmly lit, comfortably crammed yet roomy and atmospheric. There was a great live band upstairs playing great cover songs from the likes of U2, RHCP and Coldplay and people dancing and singing along and generally having a blast. And as the place is not-too-surprisingly the favourite haunt of the British/Irish folks living in Helsinki, you would hear someone speaking Cockney or Irish-accented English as often as Finnish.

And dude, the Irish bartender, James. Hot damn. *another big grin*
I mean, I guess he wasn't anything remarkable for an Irishman, more like a walking stereotype (curly black hair, green eyes, those somehow leprechaun-ish features that reminded me of Doyle from Angel, cheeky grin...), but somehow he was just the kind of breath of fresh air I needed, demonstrating the famous Irish charm by bold, cheeky flirt that felt only completely natural and even contagious, never too serious. I overheard him telling some lady who wondered what the heck was he doing in Finland that he was here to do what Finnish men can't. Damn straight, darling. :D I think I'm going to love Dublin. *giggles*

So yeah, I could have happily stayed there for another week or so (and I'll surely return the next time I'm in Helsinki), but eventually people got sleepy (it was pretty warm upstairs), so we headed to Ville's place for the night. And today (well, on Saturday) we went to Forum to have a lunch and then to Wayne's for coffee after which the couple (Santtu and Ville, that is, Petri had gone home earlier) went their own way and me and Ella took a train back to Turku (side note: I hate Pendolino trains. I really do. And I'm not going to pay 30€ for the most uncomfortable two-hour ride imaginable ever again if I can only help it.).

I'm now even more psyched about that Dublin trip, but the problem seems to be: how to get there. We could have gotten flight tickets to Dublin and back for approx. 90€, but of course the only method of paying AerLingus seems to accept is a frelling credit card. They don't give bloody credit cards to unemployed students, dammit. Well, the bid has apparently expired by now anyway. *sigh*
And even the Ryanair prices are pretty much in clouds at the moment. Ah well, maybe they'll have another price cut after the winter holidays. *crosses fingers*

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darnaguen

November 2013

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