darnaguen: (Default)

I'm putting this here since I don't have any other place for it right now. Some music for a future larp project.
darnaguen: (Default)
Today is not a good day.

In fact, that statement applies to far too many days recently, which is the main reason to the long radio silence lately. I'm sorry about that.
You see, I started an internship/practical training at our local music library about a month ago. Shouldn't be a problem, right?

Well, unfortunately it was. It's not the job itself, as shelving books, CDs and sheet music and occasionally pointing someone to the right direction is one of the easiest jobs there is, and the atmosphere is pretty relaxed. It's just... for some reason I apparently had forgotten about my SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder, that is) during the year I spent on sick leave, or somehow assumed it wouldn't be a problem. And well, in a way I was right to assume that because I don't think it has ever been this bad before. This time I've actually often had full-on panic/anxiety attacks. One day I actually blacked out for a moment for hyperventilating so much. *chuckle*
Thank goodness I managed to break the vicious circle of not being able to go to work -> getting even more anxious and told my boss about it and she cut down my work hours, and also went to see a doctor and got some meds. And it is better now, I'm calmer and have managed to go to work and actually stay there most of the time, but naturally there is no miracle drug for a problem like this.

Which leads me to why today is not a good day: like I said, I got some prescripted meds, and as you might know, sedatives, antidepressants and such usually have some not-so-nice side effects at first. Mine are among other things supposed to help me sleep better and without any nightmares, but the downside is that I may also oversleep and be dizzy and nauseous when I wake up. Doesn't exactly help me be at work on time, even though I only have to be there at 2 PM. Of course it's also partially my fault because I haven't remembered to take the meds early enough in the evening.

And today? As usual, I slept too long, and when Tommi tried to nicely wake me up, I just growled something not very polite at him and kept sleeping as I wasn't feeling too good. It's only natural that he got upset, and I can understand very well that I'm not the easiest person to live with right now. *sigh* But anyway... Even though I was already late, I got up and started getting ready to go to work anyway, all the while Tommi was sulking around and practically projecting stormclouds from his forehead. I apologized for being a bitch and explained, but it didn't seem to soften him much. And one thing that is guaranteed to make me crumble: people I care about being mad at me. So yeah, bye bye being responsible and going to work. *sigh* And now I'm sitting here hating myself and fighting anxiety nausea. Yay.

We're also supposed to drive to Lappeenranta to a Halloween party tonight with some friends, which isn't exactly easing my mind because I know people will be bitching about the late hour we can finally start the journey (and even later hour we'll finally be there since the journey takes 5-6 hours). Well, I'm sorry, but Tommi has to be at work till 9.30 PM. Sometimes people have to work, you know.
And besides, the original plan was to leave on Saturday morning, which I still think would have been the smartest choice. But nevermind. *rolls eyes*
It's also my birthday tomorrow, and I must say I don't have very high hopes about having a great birthday since everyone else - being typical Finns - will probably be drunk off their asses, which is something I'm not really into even if I wasn't on those meds. :/

That reminded me that I have to go shop mine and Tommi's food for the weekend. Well, at least then I won't be sitting here feeling sorry for myself.

So, bye for now. I will really try to update more often in future, and actually write non-whiny entries. :p

Happy Halloween, kittens. <3

edit: This song was probably the best possible choice to cheer me up right now, so thanks Last.fm:



darnaguen: (Default)
So. A new layout. And some new people on my friends list. Hello! *waves* And welcome. :)

Since I haven't updated in more than a month I have so much to write about that it's probably best to divide it to several posts, otherwise it'd be the longest and most confusing post ever.

Anyways... [profile] shadow_wolfess  was here for the weekend, as she attended Ruisrock (for those who don't know, Ruisrock is the second oldest rock festival in Europe and one of the oldest in the world having been held in my hometown every year since 1970) and was in need of a place to crash. 
It seems that with a press pass and a right amount of luck you can have some amazing experiences, judging by the things she told me about Friday night. Though without some balls and initiative I suppose you don't get very far, even if you have the luck of the Irish. :p
Anyway, as her Russian journalist friends left on Saturday already, I could have the press and backstage passes from one of them for Sunday. It was an interesting experience, although not as glamorous as some people might imagine.

I mean, I did love watching Gogol Bordello perform from the stage (with Lauri Porra and Timo Kotipelto from Stratovarius standing right next to me :D) for example, but all those musicians buzzing around the backstage are just people, having lunch and going to the loo just like anyone else. Talented/eccentric/charismatic people maybe, but people nevertheless. (Okay, maybe I would have been a bit more starstruck had I been there on Friday to see... not Corey Taylor or anyone from Slipknot or Disturbed, but Jaska Raatikainen from Children of Bodom. That guy just has this weird thing about him that makes me go all gooey anytime I even see a picture of him. Strange.) I don't know if I would have reacted differently to the Faith No More members, but guess I'll never know because they wanted everyone "extra" out of their backstage, including us who only had Slipknot stage passes. Ah well.

(Side note: If you ever get a chance to catch Gogol Bordello live, don't miss it! They're phenomenal live, a mere CD doesn't do justice to their music, they're a lot like Flogging Molly in that sense. And even though you perhaps couldn't guess it judging by his looks Eugene Hütz is one hella charismatic frontman, and all that frantic bouncing around the stage has given him an incredibly ripped, yet wiry torso. Yowza. Also the new longer hairstyle becomes him. But anyway, like Flogging Molly, they also seem to genuinely enjoy performing, which is lovely to see. :) So, go!)

But it's so funny, in that ironic way, that now that I have given up my aspirations to become a music journalist and don't really follow what's going on in the scene anymore, I'm offered a chance to become one. Just as an unpaid amateur - at first anyway - but still. I did make a tentative promise to Tanja to do some translation work and maybe some gig reports for them, but I don't know if I could handle being a full-fledged journalist, I'd certainly have to work on my self-confidence and social anxiety. *chuckle*

But we'll see... Now I'll leave you with this:


(Not recorded by us, we were already waiting for the boat at that point.)

darnaguen: (monkey island)
I feel like there's so much less in my life nowadays. It's mostly my own fault, I suppose, I've given a lot up. But I miss those things.

I miss playing Werewolf: The Apocalypse. I was really fond of Maarit and the Windwalkers pack. I'm really sorry I let Aarne & co. down. I never wanted to become that kind of girlfriend (even though that's not really the whole explanation).
I miss Qigong. I really enjoyed it, and should at least practice it on my own.
I kind of miss my Nightwish fandom, even though it hasn't really been my scene in a year or so anymore. But I miss the people. I just can't handle the drama and responsibility on the forum any longer, and... I'm just not really a fan anymore.

I miss Call of Cthulhu. I miss those long walks and debates with Samuel (where are you, man?). I miss watching movies at Mervi's place and her cats (she lives in Romania now, life's funny sometimes). I miss Whisky Bar and its awesome jukebox. I miss babysitting Tommi and Knaapi when they're being drunken idiots. I miss larping the way it still was four or five years ago.

Hell, I miss having a social life of my own. This place is constantly full of people, but it just makes me feel more lonely because mostly I just feel like I'm in the way. "Oh sorry, don't mind me, I just live here.". One of the main reasons why I spend so much time at Tampere nowadays is because I barely feel like this is my home at all anymore.
And yeah, I have a boyfriend now, but I don't want him to be my entire social life. I really DON'T want to be that kind of girlfriend. *faint panicked look of a cornered animal*

Call me, poke me on Facebook, send me a message in a bottle. Ask me out for a drink, to movies, to the park or riverside to eat ice cream. I can't promise 100% to be in Turku, but if I am I promise I'll come.
I'm already looking forward to Teinigoottipiknik, thank you Venla. <3

(Oh dear God this track gives me chills. ;__; <3)
darnaguen: (f/e)
 So... Valentine's Day, huh?
As a some kind of casual tradition I have usually posted something relevant to the theme every year. This time I thought about it for a while until I came across a certain picture that, to me, says everything about love in a way that no amount of words ever could.

´

Billie Piper and David Tennant, ladies and gentlemen. In addition to portraying possibly the most adorable, inspirational, unique and heartbreaking love story ever on television, they're also quite possibly the most adorable pair of BFF ever. Love, pure and simple. <3

Oh, and speaking of said love story... There is an absolutely gorgeous picspam I would warmly recommend to, well, anyone (but I suppose it only makes any sense if you know at least the basics of Doctor Who), made by [livejournal.com profile] fiery_twilight : 

(it kinda spoils the first two seasons, though, just so you know)

...Yeah. Who wouldn't want love like that? *wistful smile*

But anyways, it is also a tradition of mine to post theme-related music in one form or another, so here's
Miracle Drug )

And that's all for now, folks. Much love for everybody, and be Excellent to each other. <3
darnaguen: (lotr)
Home again after another weekend-long adventure in Helsinki.
Feels good to be back home, clean clothes and proper showers are always a plus, but on the other hand I somehow once again miss the feeling of community. It was nice hanging out with Santtu and Ville and Karri & co. again, and sleeping alone in your own bed feels rather weird after spending two nights snuggled contently in between your sister and a pretty male of the species. ;p

In whole, the weekend was a pretty mixed bag.
On Friday was the "Company Xmas Party", something of a collective Christmas party of the Finnish larp elite, and somehow me and Ella and Janina ended up going there as the Näätälä Brothers (näätä = weasel in Finnish ;)), the Company IT Department. Surprisingly, I made a rather fetching bad boy rocker, the eldest brother Ville Näätälä. *grin*
But well, because I am me and there was a whole bunch of people I don't know who mostly ignored us weirdos from Turku ("Excuse me, sir, your bloody dreadlocks are on my shoulder. Care to move them, or at least acknowledge that I'm sitting right here?" *chuckle*), I ended up having anxiety attacks and also being in rather foul mood. Good thing Ville and Santtu offered us a place to stay and we could GTFO the party before I murdered someone. ;p I also got introduced to Kaisla, the local equivalent of our Cosmic Comic Café (as in, a watering hole where the larp crowd likes to hang out). Nice place. :)

The next day we started by eating well (a grilled steak with garlic potatoes for breakfast FTW) with the whole ensemble (me, Ella, Aarne, Karri, Santtu, the Saranpää brothers and Ville's roommate Miksa) and dissing various Finnish towns after which me and sis went on our way to Tavastia after joining forces with Veera and Samuli at Kamppi. We donned our black metal elf hats and climbed up to the balcony to get the best possible view. The gig started appropriately enough with Christmas Time In Hell as the intro tape, after which Jarkko Ahola opened the night of amazing singing, excellent musicianship and metal brotherhood in the spirit of Christmas. Even Ari was pretty good. \,,/ But to us the most anticipated ones were of course Mssrs. Hietala and Leppäluoto, both of whom naturally delivered the goods.
I was mildly miffed that Ilja sang Tonttu instead of JP, but at least I heard him sing Joululaulu. <3 It was also fun to witness JP on fire with more up-tempo pieces like Petteri Punakuono and Nisse-polkka. The boy was clearly enjoying every minute. :) Jarkko also "stole" Ave Maria from Marco, but he's forgiven because his version was amazing.

We still had the Graveyard Party to attend, so we left pretty much right away (but not before we gifted Ilja with one of our black metal elf hats, which allegedly ended up on top of one of the decorative Christmas trees on the stage :D), stopping briefly at Kaisla again on our way to Gloria.
Once we got there we immediately ran into Turmion Kätilöt at the door, and then discovered Tommi's long-lost twin brother fronting Vanity Beach. Seriously, that guy bore a striking resemblance, he even had same gestures. :D Though he was just a bit more emo and gay. :p
Anyway, Ella had a terrible flu and didn't have much energy for dancing and crowds so she and I retreated up to the balcony at some point, which turned out to be a good idea (though the Christmas trees hanging upside down from the ceiling blocked the view a bit) as we had space to dance and could sit down and just chill whenever we felt like it. Plus, sorry to say but a certain couple was starting to get rather insufferable in their self-absorbed arrogance. Unpleasant echoes from a couple of years ago.*sigh* Cut the crap and drop the act, please. You're only fooling yourselves.
However, Black Light Discipline was a cool new musical discovery. A group basically born of the unholy union of Turmion Kätilöt and Proteus. \,,/ TK was of course as great as ever and made me almost dance myself unconscious. Luckily the sound mixer dude in the next lodge offered us some Red Bull. The balcony (and upstairs in general) was also favored by the performers, staff etc. and at some point I glanced in their direction and was pretty sure I saw a rather familiar face. Should have guessed he might appear to check out his friends on stage. But never mind him, we kept dancing and minding our own business. :p

After that we were rather spent, Ella especially, and once again walked to Hakaniemi for the night (of which I am ever grateful). Sunday was pretty much a "hangover day". Ella kept nodding off and acting like a cranky four-year-old and I wasn't feeling much better, so after some comatose hanging around in Kamppi and Molly Malone's we took a train back to dear old Turku. Home sweet home...
darnaguen: (tardis)
Beware, incoherent emo entry ahead.

It's only appropriate, you know, that something that can make you happy like nothing else can (and usually will) also break your heart like nothing else. Change feels like dying because it is.

No, no. Nothing radical has happened in my life, really. I am in fact once again crying about fictional stuff.
But you see, the thing is: it's never only fictional.

I may never have, say, lost my love forever to a parallel universe. But believe me, I still know how it must feel.
Change feels like dying because it is. And I know change, even though it sometimes can feel like nothing ever changes. But eventually everything will. And I bet it will feel like dying.

Funny thing, by the way: in the Doctor Who (for how could I be talking about anything else?) universe, the Eternals call Void (or as we might call it, Hell) "The Howling". And the heart of the cosmic energy, the infinity and the eternity, the divine Mother Goddess, if you will? Bad Wolf.
Someone knows their irony.

And what of Love?
It will kill and save you, take your heart that's barely beating and fill it with hope beyond the stars. It is beautiful and terrifying because it always walks hand in hand with Loss, the thing every human being fears the most.
Are you afraid of the big Bad Wolf? If you keep running from her, you will never truly know Love. But you will never truly know Loss either. So are you?

I am.
But the Doctor has taught me that sometimes it's worth it to just let go of your fear and just... love.

Ah, anyway... There are two absolutely beautiful songs I've discovered recently and have wanted to share with you for a while now. You can either just listen to them or download them if you wish:

Trading Yesterday - The Beauty & the Tragedy
Trading Yesterday - She Is The Sunlight (and the slightly alternative album version).

Let me know if the links don't work and I'll fix them because I'd really like all of you to have a chance to hear those songs.
darnaguen: (ireland)
Went to see Once yesterday with my mom (yeah, it only came two bloody years late to Finland *rolls eyes*).
Quite a lovely little film, reminded me a lot of my beloved Before Sunrise, with a guy and a girl from two different cultures meeting randomly in a European capital and deciding to spend some time together and maybe falling in love in process.
Only instead of ten hours these two had a week and they spent it making music together in Dublin instead of just talking about anything and everything while wandering around Vienna like Jesse and Céline did.

Now I have Falling Slowly (which quite rightfully won an Oscar, even though it may not at first seem like a song that would) stuck in my head and am "homesick" for Dublin more than ever. It was fun seeing all those familiar places: the HMV on the Grafton Street where the nice salesgirl basically insisted we made use of the discount, St. Stephen's Green, the O'Connell Bridge... *sigh*
It will be probably a while before I can return, as our original plan to spend a weekend in Dublin in September with mom won't most likely work because it's very possible that me and Ella will be moving in together in September (which, on the other hand: yay!). Surprisingly enough she (my mom) did suggest that we'd go to Dublin in next April circa 24th so I can go lay flowers in front of the GPO. *smiles* I'd also like to visit the Arbour Hill and the Glasnevin Cemetery if we only have time.
I've also been thinking about maybe celebrating my 22nd birthday in Ireland. Halloween in Dublin could be an interesting experience. :D But we'll see...

Hmm. Okay. Forget Falling Slowly and instead go and have a listen of this.
That film was full of gorgeous music, but If You Want Me really stands out. <3

By the way, I had the strangest dream the other night. I somehow crossed paths again with my old junior high school crush and he ended up confessing he has loved me since those days almost ten years ago, and then we were kissing, which was nice, but even in that dream I was constantly thinking: "Okay, WTH is going on?". *chuckle*
In another part of the dream there also was this huge gorgeous butterfly in all the glimmering colors of the rainbow, which I think was supposed to symbolize something. Any thoughts on that? What are butterflies usually supposed to symbolize in dreams?
darnaguen: (monkey island)
Ugh. My feet hurt and I'm bloody exhausted.

But I guess that's what you get for jumping and dancing like crazy for some three hours in a row and then going to work where you spend five hours in a row on your feet. And only sleeping like 2,5 hours in between.

Jumping and dancing was due to a Flogging Molly gig at Tavastia last night, and boy, let no one ever say the Irish can't throw a hella good party. If after a gig you're covered in sweat, Guinness and cranberry lonkero, your feet are sore and you have an ecstatic grin on your face, it's never a bad sign. :D
There is no doubt whatsoever that the Mollies live up to their reputation as an excellent live band. I don't think I've ever seen a Finnish audience go crazy like that, and in a good way. Dave King (the lead-man) said as much, something along the lines that he didn't think there can be a people as crazy as the Irish until he was introduced to the Finnish audiences. :D
It's that spiritual kinship again I guess, as the Irish are in a way like our rowdier, more lively cousins. Good thing, then, that they obviously like to play here. Because when Flogging Molly's in the house, the Finns momentarily lose their sullen cool and become a bit more lively and rowdy too, in the best way possible.

I wish we'd had time to grab a drink or two in Molly Malone's because I'm sure the atmosphere would have been amazing and perhaps even some of the band members would have showed up (although there was no lack of seeing them at Tavastia either, the guys casually walked around mingling with the crowd after the gig) as they have another Tavastia show tonight. But well, there are night buses to catch and work to do. *sigh*

Pseudo-philosophical and possibly somewhat incoherent ponderings on ethics, history etc. )

But guess I should end my incoherent ramblings now and go get some sleep. G'night, kittens.
darnaguen: (morrigan)
Right. I have been writing this entry for over two weeks now, so I guess it's high time to get it posted already.
I wanted to post this yesterday alongside some other Ireland-related ponderings, but life decided to intervene. The said other ponderings will have to wait, then.
You can expect them soon, though, but first things first. A warning, though: the following account of our adventures between 6th and 7th of April in Ireland is long. "Like, Tolstoy long" to quote Agent Michael Vaugh from Alias. Try to bear with me, aye?

The Irish Experience pt. II )
darnaguen: (TeagueGuitar)
Gah, my throat is sore. I guess that's what you get for getting a bit too much into Singstar. :p
I really hope I didn't kill everyone's ears, but boy, it was fun. And I even beat Tommi at Imagine and Joutsenlaulu. And Mervi at Right Here In My Arms which was seriously strange, because she actually can sing. But she beat me at pretty much everything else, so... *shrug* Dueting Pikkuveli with her was also nice. :)
The occasion was Tommi and Venla's housewarming party, they just moved here to Runosmäki which is nice, even though I'm sorry that they had to give up their previous apartment.

Anyways, I have been really busy and stressed for the last 1,5 or so weeks, but I guess it's been worth it. I'll start the practical training at the Main Library the day after we return from Ireland, the medical examinations are underway (and I just have to mention that the nurse at the Employment Office was a real gem, understanding and warm-hearted. She even understood my empathy/HSP-ness :)) and I finally got around to do those vocational selection tests.
There's still stuff to do, like making sure I'll still get housing allowance, and going to get myself a passport (thank goodness I remembered my ID card's outdated and therefore isn't a valid traveling document because Tuesday is my very last chance).
I'm also getting quite nervous about the trip, I'm sure there are still some extra obstacles to be thrown in our way. And it's been ten years since I last flew, so the airport hassle isn't that familiar to me. Miif. Nine days. Only nine days. *_*

Hmm. Was there anything else? *scratches head* Can't remember.
I'm so absent-minded nowadays, it's even starting to worry me a bit. I even forgot to wear green on St. Patrick's Day. ;p
darnaguen: (monkey island)
Another adventure in moonlit Helsinki night behind, then.
And this time, fortunately, I wasn't left with that much to regret.

FME was rather lame this year for some reason. Not nearly enough familiar faces or stuff to do, so I quite understand why Ella was less than impressed and wanted to leave early before even seeing Turisas.
But well, at least we got to chat a bit with The Other Wild-haired Guy Named Tuomas In Finnish Metal Scene Who Plays A White Slanted KORG (AKA Tuomas Planman of the Norther fame, he seemed like a really nice guy :)), meet Rici albeit briefly (that girl is really spoiling me, I owe her at least three drinks by now) and witness Mr. Guitar Hero himself, Alexi Laiho, wander around looking somehow adorably baffled and drunk. I don't think very many even recognized him, as he wasn't wearing any makeup and his hair is dark now.

But anyway, we left after the Finnish Metal Awards (Nightwish won two of the cathegories they were "nominated" in, Mokoma swept the rest) to go to the downtown drinking with Petri, Santtu and Ville. Missing Turisas was a bit of a drag, but it was forgotten as soon as we got to our destination: Molly Malone's. According to my knowledge, the most genuine Irish pub outside of Ireland (alongside O'Connell's in Tampere, perhaps). And boy, it didn't disappoint. *big grin*
There are many reasons why I wouldn't like to live in Helsinki (too big, too crowded, people are generally rude etc.), but she has her advantages. Places like Molly's, for example.
It's cozy, warmly lit, comfortably crammed yet roomy and atmospheric. There was a great live band upstairs playing great cover songs from the likes of U2, RHCP and Coldplay and people dancing and singing along and generally having a blast. And as the place is not-too-surprisingly the favourite haunt of the British/Irish folks living in Helsinki, you would hear someone speaking Cockney or Irish-accented English as often as Finnish.

And dude, the Irish bartender, James. Hot damn. *another big grin*
I mean, I guess he wasn't anything remarkable for an Irishman, more like a walking stereotype (curly black hair, green eyes, those somehow leprechaun-ish features that reminded me of Doyle from Angel, cheeky grin...), but somehow he was just the kind of breath of fresh air I needed, demonstrating the famous Irish charm by bold, cheeky flirt that felt only completely natural and even contagious, never too serious. I overheard him telling some lady who wondered what the heck was he doing in Finland that he was here to do what Finnish men can't. Damn straight, darling. :D I think I'm going to love Dublin. *giggles*

So yeah, I could have happily stayed there for another week or so (and I'll surely return the next time I'm in Helsinki), but eventually people got sleepy (it was pretty warm upstairs), so we headed to Ville's place for the night. And today (well, on Saturday) we went to Forum to have a lunch and then to Wayne's for coffee after which the couple (Santtu and Ville, that is, Petri had gone home earlier) went their own way and me and Ella took a train back to Turku (side note: I hate Pendolino trains. I really do. And I'm not going to pay 30€ for the most uncomfortable two-hour ride imaginable ever again if I can only help it.).

I'm now even more psyched about that Dublin trip, but the problem seems to be: how to get there. We could have gotten flight tickets to Dublin and back for approx. 90€, but of course the only method of paying AerLingus seems to accept is a frelling credit card. They don't give bloody credit cards to unemployed students, dammit. Well, the bid has apparently expired by now anyway. *sigh*
And even the Ryanair prices are pretty much in clouds at the moment. Ah well, maybe they'll have another price cut after the winter holidays. *crosses fingers*
darnaguen: (lost)


For the past two days (well, nights really as the bloody transition to winter time completely screwed up my sleeping pattern again) I've been mostly sitting at computer and watching videos like that from YouTube and wondering if I've been missing something essential in my life for having never truly been in love, having never been involved in any kind of romantic relationship.
I have loved, and that love has made me laugh and cry, desperate and elated. My friends, my pack, they mean the whole world to me. I've had crushes and been attracted to people, been fascinated with people and felt connected to them on various levels. But I don't think I've ever been in love. I don't know if it's because I just haven't met the right person so to speak, or because I haven't allowed myself to fall in love.
Maybe a bit of both.

Maybe I have missed some valuable lessons and experiences for having not pursued the chances that I've been given but I still think that it wouldn't have felt right. And before you accuse me of being silly and naïve for expecting my one true love, the knight in the shining armor, to one day come and sweep me off my feet, let me tell you I've pretty much given up hope on ever finding a soulmate.
But I would like to one day know what it feels like to love so fiercely that it breaks your heart, to kiss someone and mean it, to be able to give and receive affection without restraints, to trust enough to give yourself completely into someone else's hands. I wish I had the courage to try.

This is a subject I'd like to write more about, but right now I'm so dizzy and tired that I'm quite unable to form coherent thoughts, let alone write them down into understandable sentences. Maybe I'll edit this later.
(And gods, this song makes me cry.)
darnaguen: (Default)
So... If I have learned something important or met someone important in each year's September ever since 2003, I guess this year's lesson is: "Your actions have consequences."
I've also come to realize, although more recently than in September, what an arrogant, presumptuous fool I have occasionally been (and what consequences it has had).

It's oddly fitting that I learned this now, because during the past two weeks I've been having a some kind of Jane Austen phase (I've watched the new Pride & Prejudice movie at least thrice and listened to the soundtrack on repeat). So if I've identified with Lizzy before, I understand her dismay after realizing how wrong she had been even better now. And Darcy's too, especially after reading Maya Slater's Mr. Darcy's Diary, fanfiction in form of literature as it may be.

I'm pretty ashamed of myself, especially for the trouble and chagrin I have unintentionally caused to others, but I guess there's no use dwelling on it. Past is past. *sigh*

Ahh, anyways... I suppose something good came out of that little misadventure in Helsinki a couple of weeks ago as well, because it now looks like me and Ella are going to Dublin in April. For real. I've now decided to go there in the spring even if we don't get tickets to that NW gig. It would be cool, of course, as they're still my favourite band and all, but... yeah.
So, in conclusion: Whoo yeah, I'm going home(?)! *big wide grin*
darnaguen: (morrigan)
I've really started to wonder why songs about the 1916 Easter Rising in Ireland are always making me cry. Sure, The Foggy Dew and Down By the Glenside are beautiful and touching tunes, but still...

I do not generally support bloodshed, even if it was in the name of liberty.
Nor am I a Republican or a nationalist of any kind. If I hear songs or tales about the Finnish War of Independence (or alternatively, Civil War or The Great Mindless Bloodbath), I'm mostly thinking something like "Bloody stupid idiots" or "I'm supposed to care?". So I couldn't give a damn about Mannerheim & co., but if I hear a song about Pádraig Pearse and his Fenians, I'm bawling like a baby? Odd.

I should probably watch that The Wind That Shakes the Barley someday to get a better picture about that whole era and see if my opinion about the Irish War of Independence and the Civil War is really any different than my opinion of the Finnish ones. Somehow I doubt it. Bloody Sunday's (both of them, really) nothing to be proud of, after all. IRA be damned.

But... If you'll allow me to venture into the realm of mystical mumbo-jumbo again for a moment...
If I think about that dream-vision-thingy I've had for I don't even know how long, the one with the young woman standing on a moor by the stormy sea (in moonlight, no less), clearly mourning but also determined, I suppose the imagery fits the beginning of the 1900s... (But then again I've always thought it's somewhere in Western Ireland, maybe in Connacht or somewhere near Clare in Munster, judging by the steep cliffs.)
Ah well, who knows... Maybe some past incarnation of me did live in Ireland circa 1916, or maybe earlier. Maybe not at all and I'm just imagining things. But it would kinda explain a lot.

Or maybe it's just the magic of the Irish music, as those people can sing about anything and make it the most heart-wrenching song ever. But strangely enough it's still this verse of The Foggy Dew that usually makes me cry the most:

"Twas Britannia bade our Wild Geese go, that "small nations might be free";
Their lonely graves are by Suvla's waves or the fringe of the great North Sea.
Oh, had they died by Pearse's side or fought with Cathal Brugha
Their graves we'd keep where the Fenians sleep, 'neath the shroud of the foggy dew."


And these as well:

"Oh the bravest fell, and the Requiem bell rang mournfully and clear
For those who died that Eastertide in the spring time of the year.
And the world did gaze, in deep amaze, at those fearless men, but few,
Who bore the fight that freedom's light might shine through the foggy dew.

As back through the glen I rode again and my heart with grief was sore
For I parted then with valiant men whom I never shall see more.
But to and fro in my dreams I go and I kneel and pray for you,
For slavery fled, O glorious dead, when you fell in the foggy dew."


As I said: odd. *shakes head and wipes tears*
darnaguen: (Default)
Darna just fell in love:



Completely ingenious band, and also great music to get into Cthulhu mood.
darnaguen: (Default)
Strange day.

-Tony was hyperactive and cute and had as weird clothes and stage antics as ever.
-The weather gods have a seriously twisted sense of humor.
-I met an old friend, got a free drink, a new acquaintance and a head full of mixed thoughts.
-Apparently I'm doomed to never witness a Kotiteollisuus gig without the drunk cantor from Kitee. "Karjalasta kajahtaa" indeed.
darnaguen: (Default)
Meh. Looks like it's one of these days again.
I have tickets to Ruisrock for two days, but now that some unfair person moved Gogol Bordello (and added Turisas! Unfair, I tells ya!) to Sunday, I apparently already missed Finntroll and don't really have enough interest for Poisonblack after all, it looks like I'm only going to go check out Children of Bodom (and possibly Amorphis, depending on when I have to leave) today, and they won't start playing before 22.20.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Strangely enough it will be the first time I see Kotiteollisuus play live without Holopainen (unless he decides to surprise everyone and makes an appearance, which would be great because then they could play Satu Peikoista for Ella as a birthday present). But I'll have my beloved "guardian angel"/birthday girl/sister (in arms)/other half of our rockstar magnet duo with me, so all should be good. *knocks wood just in case*

It also sucks that I seem to have one of my unsocial-bordering-snarky phases, and of course half the world wants to hang out with me right now. Figures.

EDIT to add the official cryptic part:
"Why do I miss someone I've never met?"
You said it, boy... You said it. *shakes head incredulously*
Hope you at least have found her now, brother...
darnaguen: (Default)


That was... That was... Wow. *lower lip trembles*

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