darnaguen: (Default)
 Oh, hey, new friends! Welcome! *waves*

So, what's new?
My internship at the bookstore ended at the end of December. I did fine, apparently, but not good enough to land a job there. But in any case, it was a great experience and I learned a lot. Now I'm back in school and considering my options.
I applied for a summer job at the Museum Center and am keeping my fingers crossed. Showing people around the Turku Castle or something for living would be pretty awesome (though I'd probably be stuck at the reception or something. But still.)
But I probably need to get at least a part-time job till then because study books are expensive and being piss-poor is no fun anyway. At least Tommi has a job now, though I can tell it's making him a bit miserable.

The ideal situation would be getting a job from a bookstore because depending on whether or not my six months' internship counts, I could be a graduated librist in 2 to 2,5 years. That would be much more practical than taking the long road and going through school and maybe after ten years have a some kind of minor History degree.
I mean, history is my passion and right now the bi-weekly (is that a word?) Art History classes are what's keeping me going, but I realize it's not a practical dream, at least not right now. Ah well, that's life.


Ugh, I was supposed to talk about the new Being Human episode, but then I got distracted by Tommi watching Sons of Anarchy on the couch behind me, and then Primeval was unexpectedly on and I've wanted to check that out for a long time. 

Tomorrow, then.
darnaguen: (f/e)
From the darling [profile] jupedog:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next three sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

"Hänen ajatuksensa olivat suuntautuneet sisäänpäin, yrittivät ratkaista Trieliltä keskustelun kuluessa saamiaan hienovaraisia viestejä. Suunnitelma Mithrilsalin valloittamiseksi vaikutti varsin lupaavalta. Jarlaxle oli ollut kääpiölinnoituksen lähettyvillä ja tutustunut sen puolustukseen. Vaikka puolustus olikin ihailtavan luja, ei se kestäisi drow-armeijaa vastaan."

-R. A. Salvatore: Tähdetön yö (Starless Night)

Damn, why did it have to be the only FR book I've been reading in Finnish lately?
Ah well, just for the heck of it, the same from the second nearest book:

"Though Pippin had regretfully to destroy his hopeful tale, he could not be rid of his new rank, only fitting, men thought, to one befriended by Boromir and honoured by the Lord Denethor; and they thanked him for coming among them, and hung on his words and stories of the outlands, and gave him as much food and ale as he could wish. Indeed his only trouble was to be 'wary' according to the counsel of Gandalf, and not to let his tongue wag freely after the manner of a hobbit among friends.
At length Beregond rose. 'Farewell for this time!' he said."

-J.R.R. Tolkien: The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King

I admit I had to bend the rules a little, though, because my copy is one of them illustrated ones by Alan Lee and the page 23 was actually an illustration of the city of Minas Tirith. So I used page 22. :p

Aaanyways... I had a pretty good time today.
Even though I'm once again in a totally weird sleeping pattern and spent the whole day sleeping yesterday and took only a little nap today after staying up all night, I actually managed to be one of the first ones in the history class for once. But well, it was the last class in this course and I didn't want to miss it. Wasn't exactly the most exciting class, though, because it was mostly about industrialism and the birth of modern political ideologies in the 19th century. But well, guess I have to learn about that stuff as well.
After school I went to buy myself the history textbook and also pick up the book I had ordered (the new The Legend of Drizzt edition of Salvatore's Sojourn with cover art by Todd Lockwood <3) while I was at it. Then I went to get Ella from work and we went to buy ourselves the tickets to a Kotiteollisuus gig on Saturday (yeah, the second time we see them live in two weeks :p) and grab some food.

After dining and hearing some sad news we met my mom briefly so she could give me some official documents and then proceeded to Cosmic Comic Café.
Thursday nights are Larp-kahvila nights so people from the Turku larp scene like Dare and Susanna and co. were about. Not a too big crowd, though, and I really enjoyed being all geeky and rambling about the X-Men with them. You don't get a chance to make good-natured fun of the soap-operatic shenanigans of the Summers clan or debate about whether Wolvie should have smelled it was Mystique entering his tent instead of Jean in X2 or not with like-minded people too often. I might have to make a habit of hanging out in Cosmic after school on Thursday nights, even though when people start talking about the city-larp campaign stuff, it all flies right over my head.
Another subject was for some reason (might have had something to do with Magneto) natural catastrophes, mainly the possibility of the über-volcano beneath the Yellowstone National Park erupting and promptly destroying a great deal of life on the North American continent (and probably also causing some nice little nuclear winters in Europe and Asia). I'll now take the risk of sounding like that git Pekka-Eric Auvinen and say that I probably wouldn't be too sorry if that happened. Of course I would want Steph and Chris and everyone to get away safely in time, but this world and mankind especially is in dire need of a bit of bitch-slapping, a reminder that we're not almighty, that not everything is in our control. This planet would also only benefit if there were a couple of billion people less.
So if you're asking me? Whoo yeah, bring on the Ragnarök/Harmageddon/what you have! \,,/

Gaah. I'm sure I had something else to write about, but of course I forgot what it was.
Ah well, better go and try to catch some Z's. G'night, kittens.

EDIT: I just noticed that both of my Pirates fics in FF.net have been nominated for an award. O_O
"Most Creative" for The Seven Names of Elizabeth Swann and "Best Jack POV" for In Her Eyes of Gold. Didn't win the first one, but it's only completely natural as I was up against the likes of [personal profile] bravenewcentury . I don't expect to win the other one either, but it sure felt good to be even nominated considering how brilliant writers this fandom has.
darnaguen: (Default)
Mmh, seems like I'm ill and/or just generally tired all the time nowadays.
It's like I've been sleepwalking through life lately, the time passes by so quickly and I hardly even remember what has happened during the past couple of weeks. So sorry once again to everyone for being really absent-minded and inconsiderate and generally a lousy friend.

One thing I'm proud of, though: no matter how tired or horrible I've felt, I've only missed one history class in this course. But those classes are something I really enjoy. European cultural history = love.
And the teacher is great. He's not the same grumpy old man who used to walk back and forth in front of the blackboard swearing and coughing half of the time than before, but a bit younger one whith glasses and goatee, more energetic and enthusiastic. You can tell he loves his job. :)
I can for some reason so easily imagine him in long, elaborate black or dark red scholar's robes walking around in some alchemistic laboratory in some tower chamber, reading extracts from some big dusty tomes to his apprentices. :D

I've also been thinking a lot of my possible future career. I want to go to university, that's for certain, but I'm kind of undecided between majoring in History and majoring in English. History is my passion, but English would be more profitable and I'm already translating stuff for fun anyway.
Ah well, I still have a couple of years to think about it and maybe discussing it with my career advisor (who, by the way, I just realized is my old scouts leader and also unnecessarily hot. Funny how long it took me to make the connection in my head, considering I used to hero worship him a bit because he was always so nice to everyone and even looked after me personally when I fell ill during that one disastrous hike. But then again, it's been ten years.) and that career choosing psychologist (or whatever the heck you call them in English) with whom I have an appointment in January will help too.

Meh, there's been so much I have wanted to write about or comment, but I just haven't gotten around to do it. The Jokela thing for example, and the books I've read and the ideas I've had and whatnot.
I hate this kind of lethargic state. I wish there was snow, cold whiteness at least would be better than chilly and wet darkness which drains all the energy out of you even though it would mean I'd have to wear a third sweater indoors because it's so cold here in my flat.

Anyways, here's a song that reflects my thoughts pretty well and is also yet another reminder why I love the Goo Goo Dolls:

Flat Top )

EDIT: Great. It's seven in the morning and I can't sleep because I slept til 6 PM because I felt so horrible. I'm still not feeling much better, though, my head and stomach are killing me. In addition to that, I'm feeling rather lonely and somehow forsaken. And unworthy as usual. Oh, woe is me. :p
Guess I have at least try to sleep, I don't want to miss the history class.
darnaguen: (Default)
Ow, my feet.
Remind me to wear comfortable and practical shoes the next time I decide to randomly walk through half the city.

But despite my poor aching limbs, I had a great time tonight.
For starters I finally managed to join the Call of Cthulhu campaign and it was really fun despite my occasional freezing and stuttering because I don't quite know how to play Betsy (heh, I almost wrote "Lizzie" because I'm so accustomed to call all Elizabeths that) yet.
But I think it went pretty well, awkward silences and all. Tommi is a good GM, I've missed challenging and atmospheric RPGs. I'll still miss the Forgotten Realms campaign, though, now that mine and Samuel's school puts it effectively in ice again. We were just about to get into Murann and Ishra and Kieran had had their nice little bonding moment in the outskirts of the elf woods of Suldanessallar, meh.

Anyways, afterwards we left Venla to sleep at Tommi's and headed to Dante's Corner where we stayed until it closed at midnight. Tommi went back home to sleep, taking our guest star Timo with him, but the rest of us didn't want the night to be over yet so we proceeded to Bristol.
There we had some really interesting discussions and debates, like faith vs. science and sense vs. sensibility. Funnily enough I was in the Camp Rational with Samuel "against" the Camp Emotional formed by Ella and Mervi. The main difference is, I guess, that me and Samuel want answers to the mysteries of the universe while Ella and Mervi are content with the world as it is. They don't need to know how things work (like Samuel), or why they work like they do (like me).

It was really a discussion we all would have happily continued, but Mervi's ride came to fetch her home and Ella went too. I could have gone with Ella to crash at her place (my last bus had gone ages ago), but I decided to stay with Samppa and we started wandering aimlessly around while continuing from where we left off in the bar.
We followed the riverbank upriver, passing some positively Where The Wild Roses Grow-esque places, and before we even realized, we were almost in Halinen. Then we walked almost to Runosmäki and then back to Aninkaistensilta where we parted and I walked back home to Runosmäki.

I have to say that walking home alone through dark woods with only heat lightnings and a pale, misty moon as sources of light is quite an interesting experience after playing Cthulhu. *chuckle*
But I could at least be pretty sure it was only my imagination running wild that made me flinch at every tiny sound and moving shadow, unlike earlier when we had walked past some random bushes. I'd suddenly had a strong, completely irrational and unexplainable chilling feeling that made me glance around skittishly. I mentioned it to Samuel and he admitted he had felt the same way. Very interesting, I say... And also very creepy, as the last time I remember feeling like that resulted in me, Ella and Aki running for our lives out of the castle grounds three years ago. *wry smile*

*yawn* Once again I had a lot more to write about, having been computerless for three weeks and all, but it's 6 AM already so I'd better go to sleep. First schoolday after all.
darnaguen: (Default)
Hm. I guess I now officially have a flat of my own, as I received the key today and now have some of my stuff there. I'm liking the apartment very much and my landlord couple are the nicest people ever. However it looks like I can't move in just yet as I have to pay the first rent on the 4th day and it's going to take all the money I currently have and I have to borrow some from my mom as well. Stupid bureaucracy for thinking I actually have the money to pay the rent AND start a new independent life with the 270€ I got from SSO. *sigh* I just hope it will work out somehow.

I think I'm going to stress myself to death if things keep going on like this. Too much stuff going on at the moment, most of it completely new and strange to me. I already had to forget about the ACS (evening school) and that sucks because it was something I really wanted to do.
I have Fendari (a kind of practical training thing for young people in this handicrafts workshop) again in the morning, but seeing as I'm still awake and literally pulling my hair and shaking with stress... Yeah. That sick leave is starting to sound like a good idea again.
And I hate being so weak. *another sigh*

I'm also sorry I have neglected people horribly and been distant an unsocial and haven't replied to messages and comments. But it's apparently just the way I behave under stress, I cave in and hide inside myself and fictional worlds and time and space become a blur to me and I become really absent-minded. I'm a real mess. *deep sigh*

Just hope that things will get better after I finally have managed to wade through all this crap.

(And now I'm bloody crying because my Last.fm is playing me a sentimental lovesong. Push ))
darnaguen: (Default)
Things could definetely be worse right now.

I have a nice flat (gonna sign the contract tomorrow and move in as soon as possible), I'm eating heavenly Estonian chocolate and my English course is ridiculously easy but I'm enjoying it nevertheless. It's good to be back in school. And this song rocks so much. Heck, Aerosmith rocks so much.

*banishes all negative thoughts*
darnaguen: (Default)
I resigned from Paasikiviopisto today. It's a drag, yeah, but I know I made the right choice.
In addition to the money problem I wasn't really ready for that yet. on several levels. Everyone else there had probably finished high school and I guess one needs to have in order to study journalism on university level.
It's an intriguing thought, though, that I could have executed an approbatur degree in Art History this year. But there's time for that later too, for a better degree even.

So now I'm going back to AS (Adult Comprehensive School, an evening college of sorts for adults), aiming to graduate in few years and start looking for a flat for myself, and a part-time job too. I really want to put my life in order now.

I don't know if I will ever become your kick-ass rock'n'roll reporter or any journalist at all.
I have no idea what will I become, but I hope I will find the right course eventually.
Sometimes it would be so handy to have a compass like Jack's. *chuckle* But another question entirely is: is it always a good idea to follow your heart instead of your common sense?

I reckon not. *wistful smile*

EDIT: Just had to rename the entry because of the date. I've been meaning to write a poem with that title for ages, but we'll see if I ever will. Seventh of September and full moon tonight. *wry chuckle*
darnaguen: (Default)
Well, I'm back.
At home, that is. Things started going headfirst to hell once again and I just couldn't stay alone there in that barren room.
No, nothing wrong with the room actually, but with the fact they're charging me some 200€ more of it that they were supposed to. And as you can probably tell, I have no such money. Even the 527€ per month would have been tough price enough to pay.

I was going to go back there with the last bus, but now I'm not that sure anymore.
After crying a bit, talking to Ella in phone (thanks love, I really needed that *hugs*) and eating something (haven't really eaten in about 12 hours), the familiar defiance is rising its head again.
I know "To hell with all!" attitude isn't the best possible attitude in a situation like this, but I guess it's some kind of psychological shielding mechanism. So I think I'll try to take it easy tonight, watch The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (Stuart Townsend, rowr...) from TV and try redoing some Cloud Islands stuff.  I can worry about school stuff tomorrow.
And hey, maybe this path wasn't meant for me after all... Or then the Fate is laughing mockingly at me once again.
darnaguen: (Default)
My last night at home. Tomorrow I will move out from the place where I've lived for 12 years.
Very absurd thought, really. Even though I've known for a long time I'm going to move out soon, it somehow came so suddenly.
I have to leave behind a place that has been a home to me and find a new one for myself.
Home is where the heart is, they say. But where is my heart?

A survey thingy I did in Last.fm said that good advice to me at the moment is this song:

Walk On )

And perhaps it's right. I CAN do this, take the next step and let go of the past.
In fact now that I think of it, maybe 25 kilometers isn't far enough...

Oh, I know I will miss all this; the river, the masts of the tall ships, the castle towers etc. but maybe a completely fresh start in some entirely different place would do me good. That would REALLY be a start of new life.
So in a way this huge leap I am about to take is in fact only a baby step on the road of change.

Meh. Maybe I should try to sleep the last night I can sleep in my own bed.
If you don't hear about me in few days it's probably because I a) don't have my computer in my dorm room yet b) don't have the internet connection (yet). I'll try to use the school computers to check up though.

Goodnight, me hearties.
darnaguen: (Default)
They accepted me to the Paasikiviopisto (=a folk's college where I'll probably be studying journalism for following 10 months.). Kinda cool, though the thought is also quite intimidating.
Will that be the start of my new life? Was I right when I predicted in the end of the last year that this year will be the year of changes, preparing us to the next, important one?
I believe I was.

Now I only hope they will give me a private room because if I have to share a room with someone, anyone, I simply cannot live there. *crosses fingers*
But otherwise I wouldn't mind living there at all, the dorm buildings are really charming.
The only thing that bothers me about that place is the fact that the school grounds are surrounded by a golf-course. And I'm not entirely comfortable in very open spaces (especially if there is a risk to be hit in the head by a golf ball...:p).
But I guess I'll get used to it...

Aeh, only a month left to the Cloud Islands and I've only managed to come up with some ideas for the new characters. And with some of the old ones, I have no idea what to do with them. *sigh* And then there's Karkki with her plans and ideas for the Queen etc.
Sometimes this whole project feels just too chaotic to handle. Too many cooks in the kitchen or something. *sighs again*
But I'll do my best because people are counting on us to deliver a good LARP.

I'm also haunted by a fanfic idea once again, but probably it will remain only an idea because I almost never manage to put my ideas into effect. It would be quite a simple pairing fic with the characters' musings on each other and their own emotions. You can throw a wild guess which pairing it is. *grin*
Especially that one very clear mental image haunts me on such level that I think I may have to write that fic. I just have to find out how to build a story around it, what leads to that particular scene. Hmm...

Oh, I just remembered: yesterday happened something funny.
I was sitting at computer, listening to music and reading something, and my mom was sitting on my bed talking to her boyfriend on phone (she'd had to exile herself to my room because our bathroom is in noisy redecoration). I didn't hear a thing because I listened to music on earphones, but after she had hung up, my mom gestured to me to remove my earphones and asked me why I had just growled. I said I hadn't because I certainly didn't remember I had done so, at least intentionally. She then told it had been a good-natured, pleased sound, something in between a purr and a growl.
Weird. I make wolfish sounds without noticing it myself. O_O

And the obligatory cryptic part of the post:
I hate it that he has to make me so nervous.
No, not the one you probably think.

Over and out.
darnaguen: (freedom)
Last night was beautifully starlit.

I stood on the balcony and gazed into the vast indigo heavens and then, once again, looked at Sigyn floating serenely in the river looking eerie in her black-hulled glory, and dreamed of lying on the deck, rocked by gentle waves of the ocean and seeing all the stars above me whispering to me their ancient secrets, some of them already diminished long long time ago even though I can still see them twinkling brightly.
That would be freedom like nothing else.

But I believe I'm too much a coward to really dare to reach out for true freedom.
Oh the irony.

I think I must quote Lintu once again:

"Kun vain uskallat lakata pelkäämästä
Paratiisin saat takaisin."

When you only dare to stop being afraid you will get the paradise back.
That line is pure genius.

But what the hell am I talking about again?
My original intention was not to start rambling about semi-deep subjects. Guh.
Perhaps it would be a good idea to go to sleep since I have to wake up at 10 if I intend to be at school by noon. First day in the school. Weird thought.
And it can even be that after three weeks I no longer live here.
Seems like I have to take the next step soon. And find my courage.

And right now I feel ridiculous. When did I become like this?
darnaguen: (Default)

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!

You drink everyone under the table.

Aye! \,,/

Ja tietysti:

Your Irish Name Is...

Niamh Hennessy


Eilen oli taas yksi niistä päivistä kun mikään ei suju.
Ensin vauhkoilin ympäri kämppää hermostuneena yrittäen lukea kokeisiin ja odottelin, että Merlystä kuuluisi jotain kun meidän piti mennä yhdessä Työkkäriin.
Kävikin sitten ilmi, että hän ei päässytkään lähtemään. No, ei siinä mitään, sainpa aikaa lukea siinä rappusilla lämpimässä kevätauringossa.
Mutta kun lopulta pääsin koululle puolipaniikinomaisessa tilassa, havaitsinkin kokeen olleen jo edellisenä päivänä.

Tänään pitäisi sitten mennä neuvottelemaan sen opettajan kanssa mahdollisuuksista. *huoh*

No jaa, sain sentään eilen odottamani Nightwish-repun. Yay.
Nyt syömään aamiaista.


darnaguen: (Default)

November 2013

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