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I'm listening to Loreena McKennitt and feeling like I want to burst into tears.
I've been an antisocial and irresponsible little bastard again.
I'd really have loved to take part in that Hârn campaign, but... Fucking hell!
Why must I be like this? Why do I go hiding in my shell every time I should do something? Why can't I do anything right with my social relationships? Why am I so afraid? Why do I let all the chances slip through my fingers? Why?!
Once again I just want to retreat to somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Somewhere where I could hear the wind whispering in the treetops, where it would be quiet and beautiful, where the stars would shine more brightly than in the city, where I could just curl up under some tree to cry and sleep everything away... I want to go home.
Home. Where is my home? Not here. Where then? Ireland? As much as I want to go there, I somehow don't think so...
Right now something is drawing me eastwards. I don't know what. Maybe it's that strange dream-memory or something like that I've had for quite a long time now.
Or then I'm just being delusional...
Why must my life be so confusing so often? Why so much weird stuff is happening to me and around me all the time? I know I should be used to it already, but being almost overly logical person who likes to be able to explain things with common sense I'd just like to be able to prove somehow to myself that I'm NOT delusional and that these things are real. That I'm not crazy and that someone is not just messing up my mind.
Just a couple of days ago I had a talk about this with one of my friends. We were sitting in a café over cups of tea and discussing these things. Luckily that place is quite a safe place to talk about stuff like that, the local branch of Pakanaverkko (the Pagan Network) is having their meetings there after all... Is this a safe place to talk about things like that? Probably not, considering the fact that anyone with an internet connection is able to read this because for some weird reason I keep this public.
Well, I'm not writing about everything here, though... It's not that I have something to hide myself, but... Oh well.
Anyway... We were talking about dreams and she said something quite disturbing about this one weird dream of mine. A dream of astral plane? Could it be so? That me and him shared that dream on an astral plane? I guess I'll never know (I can just imagine myself walking to him and saying: "Hi! Have you seen me in your dream about a year and a half ago?"...).
Just great, that's just what I needed: another unsolvable mystery. *sigh*
Why can't I just erase my memories? I'd like to forget so many things that keep bothering and confusing me.
I just wish that there were Obliviate spells in this universe too...
Ah, anyway... I found something pretty interesting and also a bit surprising:
"ELVEN STAR
The Elven Star (a 7-pointed star which is also known as the Faery Star) represents the Pleiadean constellation known as the Seven Sisters. The Celts used to venerate this constellation and on 31st October each year - at the festival of Samhain - it reaches its most northerly point in the heavens before starting its slow descent into the southern hemisphere. The Celts honoured these stars in the belief that this would encourage the stars to return to the same point in the heavens the following year. This mystical star system has in fact been revered throughout antiquity - and has been called the centre of the Universe, the seat of immortality and the home of the Divine.
Amethyst is an extremely powerful and protective stone with a high spiritual vibration. It is one of the most spiritual stones, promoting love of the divine. It inspires healing, divine love, inspiration and intuition. Amethyst is one of the stones for those born under the signs of Aries, Aquarius and Pisces. Chakras: Crown and Third Eye."
By Sepedet's beams... I didn't know that septagram also symbolises my birthday! Or more specificly, the constellation of Pleiaides.
I didn't even know that the Seven Sisters can be seen at their brightest on the night sky on my birthday! Okay, this is weird...
Ah well, isn't there a verse in Fires At Midnight by Blackmore's Night that goes:
"I wished on the Seven Sisters:
Bring to me the wisdom of the age.
All that's locked within the book of secrets,
I longed for the knowledge of a sage..."
And oh yes, I do want that pendant.
Unfortunately £40.00 plus the postal expenses is a bit too much for my budget. Waah.
Hmm. Maybe I should make this a locked entry just in case.
But then again, why should I? I have nothing to hide. If people think I'm a crazy delusional weirdo in addition to an indolent, cowardly little bastard, let them think so...
But here are the lyrics to a song I've been listening to over and over again tonight:
Loreena McKennitt - The Old Ways
The thundering waves are calling me home, home to you
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you.
On a dark New Year's night
On the west coast of Clare
I hear your voice singing
Your eyes danced the song
Your hands played the tune
T'was a vision before me.
We left the music behind and the dance carried on
As we stole away to the seashore
We smelt the brine, felt the wind in our hair
With sadness you paused.
Suddenly I knew that you'd have to go
Your world was not mine, your eyes told me so
Yet it was there I felt the crossroads of time
And I wondered why.
As we cast our gaze on the tumbling sea
A vision came o'er me
Of thundering hooves and beating wings
In clouds above.
Turning to go I heard you call out my name.
You were like a bird in a cage, spreading its
Wings to fly
"The old ways are lost" you sang as you flew
And I wondered why...
The thundering waves are calling me home, home to you...
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you...
The thundering waves are calling me home, home to you...
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you...
The thundering waves are calling me home, home to you...
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you...
There.
Now, blessed night to you, people.
I've been an antisocial and irresponsible little bastard again.
I'd really have loved to take part in that Hârn campaign, but... Fucking hell!
Why must I be like this? Why do I go hiding in my shell every time I should do something? Why can't I do anything right with my social relationships? Why am I so afraid? Why do I let all the chances slip through my fingers? Why?!
Once again I just want to retreat to somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Somewhere where I could hear the wind whispering in the treetops, where it would be quiet and beautiful, where the stars would shine more brightly than in the city, where I could just curl up under some tree to cry and sleep everything away... I want to go home.
Home. Where is my home? Not here. Where then? Ireland? As much as I want to go there, I somehow don't think so...
Right now something is drawing me eastwards. I don't know what. Maybe it's that strange dream-memory or something like that I've had for quite a long time now.
Or then I'm just being delusional...
Why must my life be so confusing so often? Why so much weird stuff is happening to me and around me all the time? I know I should be used to it already, but being almost overly logical person who likes to be able to explain things with common sense I'd just like to be able to prove somehow to myself that I'm NOT delusional and that these things are real. That I'm not crazy and that someone is not just messing up my mind.
Just a couple of days ago I had a talk about this with one of my friends. We were sitting in a café over cups of tea and discussing these things. Luckily that place is quite a safe place to talk about stuff like that, the local branch of Pakanaverkko (the Pagan Network) is having their meetings there after all... Is this a safe place to talk about things like that? Probably not, considering the fact that anyone with an internet connection is able to read this because for some weird reason I keep this public.
Well, I'm not writing about everything here, though... It's not that I have something to hide myself, but... Oh well.
Anyway... We were talking about dreams and she said something quite disturbing about this one weird dream of mine. A dream of astral plane? Could it be so? That me and him shared that dream on an astral plane? I guess I'll never know (I can just imagine myself walking to him and saying: "Hi! Have you seen me in your dream about a year and a half ago?"...).
Just great, that's just what I needed: another unsolvable mystery. *sigh*
Why can't I just erase my memories? I'd like to forget so many things that keep bothering and confusing me.
I just wish that there were Obliviate spells in this universe too...
Ah, anyway... I found something pretty interesting and also a bit surprising:
"ELVEN STAR
The Elven Star (a 7-pointed star which is also known as the Faery Star) represents the Pleiadean constellation known as the Seven Sisters. The Celts used to venerate this constellation and on 31st October each year - at the festival of Samhain - it reaches its most northerly point in the heavens before starting its slow descent into the southern hemisphere. The Celts honoured these stars in the belief that this would encourage the stars to return to the same point in the heavens the following year. This mystical star system has in fact been revered throughout antiquity - and has been called the centre of the Universe, the seat of immortality and the home of the Divine.
Amethyst is an extremely powerful and protective stone with a high spiritual vibration. It is one of the most spiritual stones, promoting love of the divine. It inspires healing, divine love, inspiration and intuition. Amethyst is one of the stones for those born under the signs of Aries, Aquarius and Pisces. Chakras: Crown and Third Eye."
By Sepedet's beams... I didn't know that septagram also symbolises my birthday! Or more specificly, the constellation of Pleiaides.
I didn't even know that the Seven Sisters can be seen at their brightest on the night sky on my birthday! Okay, this is weird...
Ah well, isn't there a verse in Fires At Midnight by Blackmore's Night that goes:
"I wished on the Seven Sisters:
Bring to me the wisdom of the age.
All that's locked within the book of secrets,
I longed for the knowledge of a sage..."
And oh yes, I do want that pendant.
Unfortunately £40.00 plus the postal expenses is a bit too much for my budget. Waah.
Hmm. Maybe I should make this a locked entry just in case.
But then again, why should I? I have nothing to hide. If people think I'm a crazy delusional weirdo in addition to an indolent, cowardly little bastard, let them think so...
But here are the lyrics to a song I've been listening to over and over again tonight:
Loreena McKennitt - The Old Ways
The thundering waves are calling me home, home to you
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you.
On a dark New Year's night
On the west coast of Clare
I hear your voice singing
Your eyes danced the song
Your hands played the tune
T'was a vision before me.
We left the music behind and the dance carried on
As we stole away to the seashore
We smelt the brine, felt the wind in our hair
With sadness you paused.
Suddenly I knew that you'd have to go
Your world was not mine, your eyes told me so
Yet it was there I felt the crossroads of time
And I wondered why.
As we cast our gaze on the tumbling sea
A vision came o'er me
Of thundering hooves and beating wings
In clouds above.
Turning to go I heard you call out my name.
You were like a bird in a cage, spreading its
Wings to fly
"The old ways are lost" you sang as you flew
And I wondered why...
The thundering waves are calling me home, home to you...
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you...
The thundering waves are calling me home, home to you...
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you...
The thundering waves are calling me home, home to you...
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you...
There.
Now, blessed night to you, people.
