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"You WILL learn..."
10 July 2006 04:14So... The last day before I'll leave is dawning.
The seagulls are already crying outside, I wonder if I will miss the sound as annoying as it is.
I think I have to go to sleep soon since I have to wake up early enough to make some phonecalls to move some appointments I can't go to because of the trip and also to possibly go buy meself a music player, I'm not sure yet if I should buy a mp3-player or a CD-player. mp3-player would be good otherwise, but since Mikael isn't at home I'm sure I manage to destroy something while trying to transfer the music from this thing to the player. :p
Oh well... I do have a portable CD player but it doesn't work properly. I'll see what I will do.
But one thing is a fact: I can't live a week without my music, not even in North Karelia. :p
Hmm... This orchestral version of Ghost Love Score I'm listening to also reminded me that I have to make my dad listen to this as well as the orchestral of Creek Mary's Blood...
So mp3-player it is. *thoughtful* I only need to find a decent one with a decent price even though I have more money on my account than I thought I have.
I also need to visit library if only possible, seven hours in train plus five days in backwoods without anything to read... :s I haven't finished The Hollowing by Robert Holdstock Mervi borrowed me yet, and still have Sue Harrison's Call Down the Stars in queue but they're not nearly enough. :p
Anyway... The big party is behind now and I can't say anything very surprising happened. People got drunk etc. and I felt lonely as usual.
I don't blame anyone, I always feel lonely, for some reason especially among people.
It was nice of Lassi (older of the Leppänen brothers aka Tommi's big bro) to come to talk to me in the garden though, and I appreciate Valtsu's offer for solace when I experienced a minor breakdown at some point. Stupid thing, really.
I should be able to keep myself together and not falling apart like that. I don't even have any serious problems, I just create problems inside my head.
Though oblivion would be a great blessing sometimes. *sigh*
I'm also a bit sorry for Valtsu, he tried to help, tried to make me talk to him about what bothers me, but I guess I am an impossible case. *wry smile*
Do I really appear so sad then? Because Mervi showed signs of concern too, and she if someone should be able to tell... Oh well, maybe I am but what can I do?
I'm just waiting, always only waiting... *sigh*
The little fatalist in me is wondering about why I was given the chance for this trip now but the realist who is still the predominant one tells her to shut up and to stop being ridiculous.
Very probably nothing epoch-making will happen, but maybe I'll come to realize something about myself or about life in general while sitting there by a lake surrounded by hills and being eaten alive by mosquitoes. :p
Time will tell.
The seagulls are already crying outside, I wonder if I will miss the sound as annoying as it is.
I think I have to go to sleep soon since I have to wake up early enough to make some phonecalls to move some appointments I can't go to because of the trip and also to possibly go buy meself a music player, I'm not sure yet if I should buy a mp3-player or a CD-player. mp3-player would be good otherwise, but since Mikael isn't at home I'm sure I manage to destroy something while trying to transfer the music from this thing to the player. :p
Oh well... I do have a portable CD player but it doesn't work properly. I'll see what I will do.
But one thing is a fact: I can't live a week without my music, not even in North Karelia. :p
Hmm... This orchestral version of Ghost Love Score I'm listening to also reminded me that I have to make my dad listen to this as well as the orchestral of Creek Mary's Blood...
So mp3-player it is. *thoughtful* I only need to find a decent one with a decent price even though I have more money on my account than I thought I have.
I also need to visit library if only possible, seven hours in train plus five days in backwoods without anything to read... :s I haven't finished The Hollowing by Robert Holdstock Mervi borrowed me yet, and still have Sue Harrison's Call Down the Stars in queue but they're not nearly enough. :p
Anyway... The big party is behind now and I can't say anything very surprising happened. People got drunk etc. and I felt lonely as usual.
I don't blame anyone, I always feel lonely, for some reason especially among people.
It was nice of Lassi (older of the Leppänen brothers aka Tommi's big bro) to come to talk to me in the garden though, and I appreciate Valtsu's offer for solace when I experienced a minor breakdown at some point. Stupid thing, really.
I should be able to keep myself together and not falling apart like that. I don't even have any serious problems, I just create problems inside my head.
Though oblivion would be a great blessing sometimes. *sigh*
I'm also a bit sorry for Valtsu, he tried to help, tried to make me talk to him about what bothers me, but I guess I am an impossible case. *wry smile*
Do I really appear so sad then? Because Mervi showed signs of concern too, and she if someone should be able to tell... Oh well, maybe I am but what can I do?
I'm just waiting, always only waiting... *sigh*
The little fatalist in me is wondering about why I was given the chance for this trip now but the realist who is still the predominant one tells her to shut up and to stop being ridiculous.
Very probably nothing epoch-making will happen, but maybe I'll come to realize something about myself or about life in general while sitting there by a lake surrounded by hills and being eaten alive by mosquitoes. :p
Time will tell.
