darnaguen: (morrigan)
Okay, first things first:

100 Things To Do )

Anyway... Ouch.
I've been having an annoying flu for the last week or so, and the weekend really didn't help.
I probably strained myself too much by dancing etc. and my shoulders and neck are still a sore mash thanks to a certain Airaksinen's massaging methods. :p But well, I had a good time and I'm glad Ville (Janina's Ville, not Knaapi this time) was happy with his Birthday party. :)
I do worry a bit about some people, but I suppose I just have to remind myself that they're grown-up and capable of taking responsibility of their own actions. :/ I just hope any unnecessary drama will be avoided.

Me and The Fox have settled for a some kind of odd affectionate alliance, which is good. Future will bring enough unavoidable commitments anyway. *sigh* I still don't like it, but as I've said before, it won't go away if you close your eyes and pretend it doesn't exist.

Next weekend to Helsinki, then. I'm still unsure about the Christmas party on Friday, but I just bought tickets for me and Ella for the Raskasta Joulua gig at Tavastia on Saturday. It's the open-for-all-ages one starting at 6 PM, but it leaves us a possibility to attend the Graveyard Party at Gloria after it. We'll see...
darnaguen: (morrigan)
I was going to write more about Ropecon today, but I came to the conclusion that I don't actually have much to say about the event itself.
It was Ropecon. Hot long-haired guys, girls with elf ears, wacky antics and general boredom.

It was a good 'Con, but to me personally it's quite irrelevant because the reason why I was there wasn't the con itself. I was there because I felt I had to be there. I had lived in my safe little bubble for too long and blocked out all unpleasant thoughts about fate and future and whatnot.
It is clearly time to take the initiative and do something, even though I still don't know what I should do. But I thought I'd start with those two conversations I had on the Saturday night. There is a lot more to discuss with both of them, but yeah, it's a start.

I also decided that I will start Taiji-Qigong again this September, no matter what. I already wasted a year.

Hmm. There's much I want to say, but I can't quite find right words. I already wrote some stuff in my blog (link is in my sidebar in case someone's interested in reading strange ramblings), but even that didn't come out quite right. I'm feeling restless, like I should do something or say something, but I don't know what. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. As usual. *sigh*
darnaguen: (Default)
Augh, I hate PMS and everything related to it.
I've been really cranky for the last couple of days and today I've either been tremendously uncomfortable or in infernal agony. And really weepy.
In the morning I finished reading the previously mentioned Eclipse and cried a good half an hour if not even more (but then again, I probably would have cried anyway *sigh*), and while I was on the bus on my way to the downtown and my mp3 player played Creek Mary's Blood, I very nearly started crying again.

Sometimes I really hate feeling things so strongly, and my damn hormones aren't helping. When I'm like this, I can get so deeply affected by for example completely fictional stuff that it's very difficult for me to focus on anything else. Very annoying, and also makes my life unnecessarily difficult.
People keep telling me I should try meditating as it would help me build stronger "shields", but I don't know, I'm afraid I would be too restless for it to work, and unable to empty my head from thoughts. But as there won't be another Qigong course in six months or so, it's my only option at the moment. It can't go on like this.
Especially as I think I've lately become increasingly sensitive to everything. I'm more aware of changes in the atmosphere, energies between people and people's discomfort, even changes in weather affect me physically.

Also... It's kinda funny in some morbid way, but lately I've started to have this "before it's too late" or "soon it won't matter anymore anyway" kind of mentality. I've become almost ridiculously sure about something really huge and radical happening quite soon, in a few years perhaps. What's especially funny about it is that my older brother has such faith in the future, he believes the world can be saved with his science. In a way I wish I could believe it too, but on the other hand I believe this huge and radical thing will ultimately be a good thing, in the end, when the dust has settled.
I also believe my discomfort with this newborn year has something to do with that, especially as I found out I'm certainly not the only one who feels uncomfortable and even worried about 2008. Only time will tell, but I'll stay on my guard nevertheless, just in case.

*chuckle* I know what I wrote may sound to a normal, rational person like ramblings of a mad person, but... remind me to tell you I told you so. *wry smile*
darnaguen: (f/e)
From the darling [profile] jupedog:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next three sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.


"Hänen ajatuksensa olivat suuntautuneet sisäänpäin, yrittivät ratkaista Trieliltä keskustelun kuluessa saamiaan hienovaraisia viestejä. Suunnitelma Mithrilsalin valloittamiseksi vaikutti varsin lupaavalta. Jarlaxle oli ollut kääpiölinnoituksen lähettyvillä ja tutustunut sen puolustukseen. Vaikka puolustus olikin ihailtavan luja, ei se kestäisi drow-armeijaa vastaan."

-R. A. Salvatore: Tähdetön yö (Starless Night)

Damn, why did it have to be the only FR book I've been reading in Finnish lately?
Ah well, just for the heck of it, the same from the second nearest book:

"Though Pippin had regretfully to destroy his hopeful tale, he could not be rid of his new rank, only fitting, men thought, to one befriended by Boromir and honoured by the Lord Denethor; and they thanked him for coming among them, and hung on his words and stories of the outlands, and gave him as much food and ale as he could wish. Indeed his only trouble was to be 'wary' according to the counsel of Gandalf, and not to let his tongue wag freely after the manner of a hobbit among friends.
At length Beregond rose. 'Farewell for this time!' he said."

-J.R.R. Tolkien: The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King

I admit I had to bend the rules a little, though, because my copy is one of them illustrated ones by Alan Lee and the page 23 was actually an illustration of the city of Minas Tirith. So I used page 22. :p

Aaanyways... I had a pretty good time today.
Even though I'm once again in a totally weird sleeping pattern and spent the whole day sleeping yesterday and took only a little nap today after staying up all night, I actually managed to be one of the first ones in the history class for once. But well, it was the last class in this course and I didn't want to miss it. Wasn't exactly the most exciting class, though, because it was mostly about industrialism and the birth of modern political ideologies in the 19th century. But well, guess I have to learn about that stuff as well.
After school I went to buy myself the history textbook and also pick up the book I had ordered (the new The Legend of Drizzt edition of Salvatore's Sojourn with cover art by Todd Lockwood <3) while I was at it. Then I went to get Ella from work and we went to buy ourselves the tickets to a Kotiteollisuus gig on Saturday (yeah, the second time we see them live in two weeks :p) and grab some food.

After dining and hearing some sad news we met my mom briefly so she could give me some official documents and then proceeded to Cosmic Comic Café.
Thursday nights are Larp-kahvila nights so people from the Turku larp scene like Dare and Susanna and co. were about. Not a too big crowd, though, and I really enjoyed being all geeky and rambling about the X-Men with them. You don't get a chance to make good-natured fun of the soap-operatic shenanigans of the Summers clan or debate about whether Wolvie should have smelled it was Mystique entering his tent instead of Jean in X2 or not with like-minded people too often. I might have to make a habit of hanging out in Cosmic after school on Thursday nights, even though when people start talking about the city-larp campaign stuff, it all flies right over my head.
Another subject was for some reason (might have had something to do with Magneto) natural catastrophes, mainly the possibility of the über-volcano beneath the Yellowstone National Park erupting and promptly destroying a great deal of life on the North American continent (and probably also causing some nice little nuclear winters in Europe and Asia). I'll now take the risk of sounding like that git Pekka-Eric Auvinen and say that I probably wouldn't be too sorry if that happened. Of course I would want Steph and Chris and everyone to get away safely in time, but this world and mankind especially is in dire need of a bit of bitch-slapping, a reminder that we're not almighty, that not everything is in our control. This planet would also only benefit if there were a couple of billion people less.
So if you're asking me? Whoo yeah, bring on the Ragnarök/Harmageddon/what you have! \,,/

Gaah. I'm sure I had something else to write about, but of course I forgot what it was.
Ah well, better go and try to catch some Z's. G'night, kittens.

EDIT: I just noticed that both of my Pirates fics in FF.net have been nominated for an award. O_O
"Most Creative" for The Seven Names of Elizabeth Swann and "Best Jack POV" for In Her Eyes of Gold. Didn't win the first one, but it's only completely natural as I was up against the likes of [personal profile] bravenewcentury . I don't expect to win the other one either, but it sure felt good to be even nominated considering how brilliant writers this fandom has.
darnaguen: (Default)
Mmh, seems like I'm ill and/or just generally tired all the time nowadays.
It's like I've been sleepwalking through life lately, the time passes by so quickly and I hardly even remember what has happened during the past couple of weeks. So sorry once again to everyone for being really absent-minded and inconsiderate and generally a lousy friend.

One thing I'm proud of, though: no matter how tired or horrible I've felt, I've only missed one history class in this course. But those classes are something I really enjoy. European cultural history = love.
And the teacher is great. He's not the same grumpy old man who used to walk back and forth in front of the blackboard swearing and coughing half of the time than before, but a bit younger one whith glasses and goatee, more energetic and enthusiastic. You can tell he loves his job. :)
I can for some reason so easily imagine him in long, elaborate black or dark red scholar's robes walking around in some alchemistic laboratory in some tower chamber, reading extracts from some big dusty tomes to his apprentices. :D

I've also been thinking a lot of my possible future career. I want to go to university, that's for certain, but I'm kind of undecided between majoring in History and majoring in English. History is my passion, but English would be more profitable and I'm already translating stuff for fun anyway.
Ah well, I still have a couple of years to think about it and maybe discussing it with my career advisor (who, by the way, I just realized is my old scouts leader and also unnecessarily hot. Funny how long it took me to make the connection in my head, considering I used to hero worship him a bit because he was always so nice to everyone and even looked after me personally when I fell ill during that one disastrous hike. But then again, it's been ten years.) and that career choosing psychologist (or whatever the heck you call them in English) with whom I have an appointment in January will help too.

Meh, there's been so much I have wanted to write about or comment, but I just haven't gotten around to do it. The Jokela thing for example, and the books I've read and the ideas I've had and whatnot.
I hate this kind of lethargic state. I wish there was snow, cold whiteness at least would be better than chilly and wet darkness which drains all the energy out of you even though it would mean I'd have to wear a third sweater indoors because it's so cold here in my flat.

Anyways, here's a song that reflects my thoughts pretty well and is also yet another reminder why I love the Goo Goo Dolls:

Flat Top )

EDIT: Great. It's seven in the morning and I can't sleep because I slept til 6 PM because I felt so horrible. I'm still not feeling much better, though, my head and stomach are killing me. In addition to that, I'm feeling rather lonely and somehow forsaken. And unworthy as usual. Oh, woe is me. :p
Guess I have at least try to sleep, I don't want to miss the history class.
darnaguen: (Default)
I wonder why is he still making cameos in my dreams.

(No, not him, him I haven't seen in a while. Maybe because I haven't needed to, because everything is now alright with him.)

But him, I don't even know him and haven't seen him in six months or so. But it's still there, it's been there for almost two years now and I just wish I knew why.
But there are no answers, I guess. There never are.

...I wonder what would happen if we met again.
Probably nothing. But... Yeah.

---------------

This is probably my last night in this room, by the way.
Not that I sleep here because pretty much all the furniture is already gone and the room feels very empty and has a different kind of echo. It will feel weird to not live here anymore, but it's necessary.

You also won't be seeing me around much in near future (not that you have seen me around much lately either) because I don't have an internet connection yet. Heh, maybe that means I'll actually manage to get myself a real social life.

But I'd better go to sleep now before the sun rises.
Goodnight, kittens.
darnaguen: (Default)
Luin juuri uuden Moonsorrow-albumin lyriikoita pala kurkussa.
En edes tiedä mitä tähän voisi sanoa muuta, kuin... Niin, en tiedä.

Jäästä syntynyt

Auringon kuoleman syntyäkseen
Uusi maailma tarvitsee
Vain pisaran vettä kylmyyteen
Käsillä juoksemaan ihmisten

Varjojen virta

Hiljainen järvi kauas kantaa
Säveltä maiseman pysähtyneen
Lehtikään ei katseen alla liiku
Kylmyys yksin ui pinnan alla

Ja ruumis kaipaa vettä
Se huutaa vapautta
Ei sitä täältä löydy
Ei hetkeen mistään

Kuka eksyneelle tien näyttää
Kun aika kulkee vain loppuaan kohti

Varjojen virta
Kuolemaa kuljettaa
Maa on harmaa
Sydän poissa taas

Tie haarautunut on jossain harhaan
Tässä lumi peittää merkit askelten
Vain värit vaihtuvat katseen alla
Kylmyys yksin yksinäisen rauhoittaa

Ja ruumis kaipaa vettä
Se huutaa vapautta
Vieraassa kaupungissa
Etsien kauneutta

On kaikki pian vailla tarkoitusta
Taivas luonut jo katseensa pois
Askel tuskaan, askel vapauteen
Jos tänne jään, en täältä löydä mitään

Vain varjot kulkevat tästä
Seuraavat toisiaan
Eivät odota ketään

Edessäni näen vuorten sortuvan
Silti hetkeksi nyt jään
Kun tunnen tulvan nousevan

Taittaa kohtalon tahtoisin
Valon nähdä ja kääntyä takaisin

Aina aurinko nousee jossain
Kuiskaa ja tielle osoittaa
Ei enää meri sateena piiskaa
Tuskin siihen havahtuisin

Yksin tuhannen joukossa
Aina jossain muualla
Juuret maasta riistetyt
Kerran elävät, kerran kuolevat

Taittaa kohtalon tahtoisin
Valon nähdä ja kääntyä takaisin
Siksi hetkeksi nyt jään
Kun tunnen tulvan nousevan

Varjojen virta
Kuolemaa kuljettaa
Maa on harmaa
Sydän poissa taas

On kaikki pian vailla tarkoitusta
Taivas luonut jo katseensa pois
Askel tuskaan, askel vapauteen
Jos tänne jään, en täältä löydä mitään.


-----------------------

Musiikki itse ei vielä tunnu sisimmässä repivänä suruna ja kaihona yhtä vahvasti kuin vaikkapa Jotunheim edelliseltä levyltä, mutta ehkä siinä kestää jonkin aikaa. Hävitettyä ei kukaan ole koskaan helposti avautuvaksi levyksi kutsunutkaan. Mutta se on varmaa, että lahjoja Sorvalin suvusta löytyy.
En tosin voi olla miettimättä, mitä ihmettä seuraava (ja mahdollisesti viimeinen?) levy tuo tullessaan. Kivenkantajalta Verisäkeisiin siirryttäessä eksyttiin jo melko synkille saloille ja tiettömille lakeuksille ja nyt jo tunnetaan tulvan nousevan ja katsotaan miten vuoret sortuvat ja maa ajautuu liekkeihin...

(For possible curious non-Finnish speakers, I'm only rambling about the new Moonsorrow album, mainly about the lyrics and their themes. See for yourselves:

Born of Ice/Stream of Shadows )
darnaguen: (Default)
So, it's 2007.
And look what a glorious New Year's gift Nightwish gave us!
If that's not going to be the greatest album they have ever made, I will eat my hat.
Or something.

All in all a pretty promising way to start a new year, don't you think?
And in addition to that one, there will also be at least a new album from Moonsorrow, entitled Viides Luku: Hävitetty (Chapter Five: Ravaged) with a somewhat thought-provoking theme according to what Ville Sorvali said in Inferno, as well as a new Finntroll album, Ur Jordens Djup, which apparently is also a theme album about the origin of trolls (and with lyrics by good ol' Katla and one song actually written by Tundra and Somnium!). Exciting, huh?

Viides Luku will already be out in two weeks if memory serves, and Ur Jordens Djup in April. Then there's February with FME and everything. Next month actually, whoa.
And come May we will be given the first taste from the new NW album, and hear what the new lass will sound like (which is undoubtedly awesome).
And on May 25th it's the international premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, which I hope is also the premiere date in Finland. *crosses fingers and toes*
September, then, will see the release of that aforementioned masterpiece which may or may not have somewhat *ahem* lunar theme. *grin* (And if they're going to release it on the 7th, I swear I'm going to die of laughter. Almost at least. :p)

Doesn't sound too bad, aye?
So let's hope this will be a good and important year to everyone with only minor setbacks.
May you all find your paths in this life, I hope I will too. *smiles*
darnaguen: (Default)
So, I fell from grace and created myself a MySpace page, triggered to it by Christian's (one of NW website's webmasters) decision to start an official MySpace page for Nightwish, I have to admit. Pretty much thinking: "Okay, if they have one, why can't I?" *chuckle*
But it's actually quite nifty. I've already received friend requests from somewhat known bands like To-Mera. Interesting. And Italian guys apparently love me. :D

I know I was supposed to write you a report from the KT gig but I'm apparently too much a slave of my moods again. *sigh* I've been in a strange state the last couple of days.
Might have something to do with that goddamn wolf again, I'm not sure. *another sigh*

Maybe I can write a report after seeing some pictures from that gig or reading some live review (KT tour diaries, where are you? I miss you!) because for some reason it feels like it was a dream that is rapidly fading from my memory. Strange.

I do remember some details, like what Hynynen wore (jeans and leather vest) and how Tuomas vibrated his keys horizontally sometimes, probably more out of habit than for the effect.
I remember how Ville made fun of me because of Tuomas and how I jokingly threatened to kick his (Ville's, not Tuomas's :p) ass.
I remember how I shared a little smile with Tuomas during Minä olen ("Anna minulle kätesi, anna lupaus huomisesta. Lupaa etten yksin jää tähän kylmään elämään..." *chuckle*).
I remember Tuomas and Hongisto's little tender moment and the hilarious, adorable face Tuomas pulled after it. I remember his smile and how happy I was to see him smile like that again. I remember what their roadies looked like.

And of course I remember Satu peikoista for how could I forget the best Satu peikoista ever? Ella wiping her tears and not believing me at first when I told her it was the prelude of Satu peikoista Tuomas was playing. "A wolf playing for trolls. That's almost ironic somehow," she said. And how we held each other and she cried against my shoulder, me almost crying as well. How Tuomas, you know, did the thing to make people cheer (not by taking his clothes off, you pervs! ;p) and I howled and he grinned (my gods, those fangs!).
How Hynynen looked at me and smiled and then walked over to us and sat on the amplifier to play, still looking into my eyes. I could only smile like an idiot and look back and then look at Ella like: "Is this really happening?". *chuckle* Hynynen is officially my hero now, mark my words.

Yes... I remember that all, but I don't really remember it, you know?
Okay, I'm not making any sense even to myself right now... Maybe I just want to go back to that night and never return to reality. *sigh*

I know I have to, though. Everyone and everything tells me that a change has to happen. Heck, even almost every single online Tarot and rune reading I have made tells me that! Thay also say that I'm likely to find love soon, by the way. Am I finally going to meet the mystery dude the fortune teller described to me? *chuckle*
Be brave, dare to take the leap of faith and good things will come your way. Listen to your inner voice and intuition and you will find truth. That's what they say.

The year 2007 is almost startlingly close.
darnaguen: (Default)
Juttelin tänään taas kerran äidin kanssa tulevaisuudestani.
Se on minulle niin hämärä, näen pelkkää sumua kun yritän nähdä missä olen vuodenkin päästä.
Vaikka se ennustus pyöriikin mielessäni liikaakin. En saisi antaa sen vaikuttaa päätöksiini, tai ylipäätään ajatuksiini niin paljon.
Olen miettinyt mitä haluaisin tehdä työkseni. Folkloristiikka on unelma, mutta kovin utopistinen sellainen.
Kun sitä alkaa vakavissaan ajatella, kannattaako minun oikeasti mennä lukemattomaksi määräksi vuosia yliopistoon pänttäämään aihetta, joka on minulle rakas, mutta joka ei koskaan tule elättämään minua?

Esitin puoliksi harkitun ajatuksen jonkinlaisesta rokkitoimittajan työstä, ja äiti innostui.
Journalismi... Niin, sattuneesta syystä se on ollut minulle jonkinlainen kirosana viime aikoina.
Ja olisinko minä yhtään sen parempi? Tai pärjäisinkö minä edes sillä alalla...
Ja olisiko minusta lähtemään rokkielämään, savuisiin kapakoihin ja viinanhuuruisille backstageille? Siis sikäli kun ikinä pääsisin sinne asti... *huokaus*

Voisihan sitä kysyä vaikka Suen toimituksesta kaipaisivatko ne avustajaa sinne työharjoitteluun.
Ainakin saisin hiukan näyttöä siitä, millaista se rokkitoimittajan duuni loppujen lopuksi on ennen kuin teen päätöstä lähteä opiskelemaan alaa. Onko se sittenkin Oriveden Opisto joka minua kutsuu vai onko kohtaloni jossain muualla?
Bleh, saisi nyt tämän lukionkin pois alta.

Huomenna pitää oikeastitodella repäistä itsensä irti näistä todellisuuspakoisista maailmoista joihin olen taas ajautunut ja alkaa hoitaa asioita.

Asiasta kukkaruukkuun, suurkiitos [livejournal.com profile] audrah:lle Anúnan suosittelemisesta!
Aivan upeaa musiikkia. Tätä Blackthorniakin olen nyt kuunnellut repeatilla varmaan puoli tuntia.

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