The Howling

 I've spent the last three days at home on sick leave (well, on Monday I worked for three hours before I had to give up).
It's a welcome (and currently much needed) break even though I've really started to enjoy my job, but I can't help feeling guilty so I can't really relax.

And what's wrong with me? I don't really know. I've suspected for a while now everything isn't quite right with me physically, but a couple of weeks ago I was getting ready to run some errands, taking my time putting on make-up and all, when I suddenly felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest right above my left breast. At first I wasn't worried, that kind of stuff probably happens occasionally to everyone. But those stabs kept on coming and I started to get scared. So I called 112 and got visited by some nice paramedics. They didn't discover anything life-threatening but told me to get the day off anyway and go see a nurse. The nurse suspected gallstones and booked me a doctor's appointment just in case, advising me to watch what I eat a bit.

The next two weeks went by quite normally, with only some discomfort , occasional random "stabs" in my torso and a nagging feeling that something isn't quite right in my abdomen.
I went to see the doctor on Friday and had blood tests and ECG taken. Her initial suspicion was that there's something wrong with my diaphragm, which would explain as all the worst stuff is focused on the left side and the "stabs" are often worse when I inhale. I'll only get the test results tomorrow so I went to work on Monday despite having been in a lot of pain over the weekend, but like I said, I lasted only three hours before I started having difficulty breathing because of the pain.

Now, I suffer from anxiety disorder so it was probably just that, the pain and stress at not knowing what's going on having triggered it. But it has effectively rendered me unable to work, which really sucks. I know, it's not my fault and I'm not just shirking my duties. But... gah. We really need every cent we can get at the moment, and I'm not paid for the days I'm not working. So, as they say in the army... SNAFU. :p
I'm just so tired all the time now, and just want to know what's wrong with me so I can deal with it and move on. *sigh*

-----

Okay, to avoid being a complete Debbie Downer, there HAS been something positive lately as well.

1.) As I said, I think I'm starting to figure things out at the bookstore. The bosses have started to trust me more and give me more responsibility. Now if I only can sort these health problems out, I think I may have a chance at getting a real part-time job there. So yay. :)

2.) I finally got around to watching North & South (BBC 2004) completely. I'd seen a part or two of it years ago when they showed it on telly, but my memories were really fuzzy. Anyway, to those of you who don't know: it''s a four-part miniseries based on the book by Elizabeth Gaskell. Its premise is similar to Pride & Prejudice with all the pride and prejudice and misunderstandings before the lovers finally get together, but it's also a hella lot darker and grittier. The setting is mostly a smoky industrial town in Northern England in the 1850s, so the Austenian Regency lightness is absent. People also get beaten up and killed and whatnot left and right.
But the leads Richard Armitage (as John Thornton) and Daniela Denby-Ashe (as Margaret Hale) are really gorgeous and amazing and have a delicious BST going on. Here, have a look:



(that's gotta be the raciest Victorian handshake between people who claim to kinda dislike each other EVER :D)

And I'm not even going to talk about the ending because you have to see it for yourself. But if you want to discuss it in the comments, you are very welcome. ;)
I can't say this about many men, but Richard Armitage does funny things to my heart. *swoon* If/when someone ever deides to film Susanna Clarke's Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, I will cry foul if anyone else is chosen to play the Raven King John Uskglass.

But anyway, if you haven't yet watched it and generally like pretty period dramas etc., do watch it. It also has a really pretty score. <3

3.) I ordered the first one of the Being Human tie-in novels from work and it was awesome. There were minor glitches like Mitchell snagging blood bags to snack on from the hospital and George being Annie's go-to guy when she needs comfort (okay, it does make more sense in the timeline of the second series), but otherwise the atmosphere was really authentic and it was great to have that little extra glimpse into their lives, with all the darkness and sweetness, humor and tragedy the show has. The three books form a single storyline despite having separate settings so of course I immediately had to order the next two as well. :D

-----

Okay, I guess that was it for now. Next time I'll answer your questions, liduen_loivissa . :)
Just one more thing before I go, just because this song is amazing. Spoiler alert, though:

Hiya guys. I'm alive.
Sorry I've been so AWOL lately, been busy/stressed/generally lethargic for these past few weeks for reasons I shall get to soon.

But first... During these past few weeks I've also been finally catching up with True Blood, but while addictive and entertaining, it didn't manage to really impress me until the last Sunday's episode I Will Rise Up. More about that under the cut. (Note: spoilers only up to 2x09, waiting for 2x10 to download while I sleep)

( 'Are you very afraid?' 'No, no! I'm full of joy!' )

Alright, I was going to write a big epic review-sort of post about tv shows I've been catching up with or rewatching lately -- and I probably still will because I have lot to say about them -- but I really need to get this off my chest, like, right now:

Doctor Who has taken over my brain.

Yeah. I know. Another fandom for Darna to obsess about.
But seriously. I wonder why I never thought to check it out before because it's wicked awesome.
Ab-so-lute-ly brilliant, in that distinctly British sort of way. I mean, it's probably not for everyone, obviously. But I daresay those unwilling to give it a chance are missing a lot.
Acting? Impeccable. Yes, including Billie Piper. You simply can't not love her as Rose. So perfectly well-rounded and human is her portrayal. As Jacob at Television Without Pity said, she's probably the only singer-turned-actor ever that turned out to be fucking brilliant at it.
Dialogue? Perfect. The one-liners are killer and the dialogue overall is very witty and natural and British. Of course it's sometimes over-the-top, but this is after all a cheesy -- albeit brilliant -- sci-fi show, and usually it's over-the-top only when the situation calls for it. Even with all the occasional darkness and deadly-serious undertones, it's still an old-fashioned fairytale at heart.

I could go on forever, but perhaps I'll spare you and let you discover the magic yourself if you are so inclined (and Ella, I'll get the first season on DVD and we'll watch it, okay?).
And those of you who already have discovered it, please do not spoil me beyond the first 2 episodes of the second season (I mean, there's no way I'd have been able to avoid some big, general spoilers because I'm three seasons behind everyone else, but no details if you please).

But it's like a drug, for real. I don't think any series/fandom has ever made me so positively giddy. I bought one of the tie-in books yesterday (it was on sale :p) and sat in the bus on my way back home and sniggered to myself like a madwoman while reading it. Seriously (and I'm paraphrasing):

The Doctor: Quick! We need to distract them somehow! Jack?
Captain Jack: Yes, sir! *takes off with a huge grin*
A moment passes. Then, accompanied by some surprised exclamations, they can see...
Captain Jack: Whoohoo! *runs naked through the crowd*
The Doctor and Rose: ...
Jack runs back to them with a shit-eating grin, still buck-naked.
Captain Jack: That distracting enough?
The Doctor and Rose: *facepalm*

But of course they secretly love it. And I love them. :D
And what's slightly scary in the drug metaphor is that it's also addictive. After each episode I watch I want more, but I also know that the more I watch now, the less I have left to watch. And I don't want it to ever be over. *clings to show and everything she loves about it, Nine and Ten and Rose and Jack and everything*

Alright, here's what we do. By the leave of my beloved future flatmate if she'll grant it, I extend the invitation to everyone reading this: when me and Ella have moved (yes, we got the apartment, but I'd rather not think about it much at the moment because my brain's a mess and there's still so much to work out) and we have a DVD player and a decent TV, you're all welcome to watch Doctor Who with me. I promise to not be too annoying, or at least try. ;p

I think I'm gonna go watch The Christmas Invasion now. David Tennant! <3

I've been rewatching the first two seasons of Alias, and boy, I didn't even remember how awesome it used to be. It lost me somewhere mid-season 4, but those early ones were pure gold.
I mean, Marshall and his gadgets! Sydney's outlandish outfits! The exotic locations (including a super-fake Helsinki)! The adorable, angsty UST of Syd and Vaughn! One of the most fucked-up families in the history of fucked-up families! And my god, the guest stars! Roger Moore, Christian Slater, Ethan Hawke... Quentin fuckin' Tarantino!
Ahh, nostalgy. :]

I just hope J.J. Abrams's other creation, this relatively unknown little series ;) called Lost won't lose me too by jumping the shark and going too weird on us. Okay, in truth I wouldn't mind the weird, I can take time-traveling Scotsmen and polar bears in hemispheres where they don't belong and world-wide conspiracies and stuff, but not badly handled character arcs (like unnecessarily prolonged love triangle/quadrangle thingies...) and bad writing. So here's to hoping it will redeem itself and give me other reasons to watch it in addition to Desmond and Sayid (as they're pretty much the only characters whose fate I really care about any longer).

Okay, I guess that was it for now, I'd better go to bed now. *yawn*
Three weeks till Dublin. *bounces a bit* I'm so excited. And a bit nervous too. Whew.

Learned my lesson: anti-depressants are NOT for me.

All it took was one tiny little pill to make me feel like shit for almost 24 hours now, and of course my hands started cramping again in the middle of the city. Thank goodness I was expecting it to happen so I didn't panic and it passed quite soon.
I'm actually starting to wonder if there's something wrong with my nervous system as well and that's the reason why those meds have that effect on me.
Oh well, at least I really would have a reason for that sick leave then...

Another lesson I should learn: Don't read/watch spoilers.
And especially stay away from YouTube. Only confuses you more.
Why oh why must we be a whole season behind in Lost? *grumble*

Meh, I once again had lots to write about, but I'm too tired.
Rough day. *chuckle*

EDIT: Couldn't help my curiosity, it bothered my mind too much to not to check.
And actually I'm quite glad I did. Sad scene my ass, go Skate! \,,/
(yes, I'm a shameless shipper, sue me)