The Howling

( Some mystical mumbo-jumbo about auras and such... )

------

Anyways... You know what? I really want a fanfic where Mitchell from Being Human bonds with Angel and Doyle about being a supernatural Irishman over pints of Guinness. It would be awesome.

I was going to write more about Ropecon today, but I came to the conclusion that I don't actually have much to say about the event itself.
It was Ropecon. Hot long-haired guys, girls with elf ears, wacky antics and general boredom.

It was a good 'Con, but to me personally it's quite irrelevant because the reason why I was there wasn't the con itself. I was there because I felt I had to be there. I had lived in my safe little bubble for too long and blocked out all unpleasant thoughts about fate and future and whatnot.
It is clearly time to take the initiative and do something, even though I still don't know what I should do. But I thought I'd start with those two conversations I had on the Saturday night. There is a lot more to discuss with both of them, but yeah, it's a start.

I also decided that I will start Taiji-Qigong again this September, no matter what. I already wasted a year.

Hmm. There's much I want to say, but I can't quite find right words. I already wrote some stuff in my blog (link is in my sidebar in case someone's interested in reading strange ramblings), but even that didn't come out quite right. I'm feeling restless, like I should do something or say something, but I don't know what. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. As usual. *sigh*

The previous entry was so emo I even annoyed myself.
Ergo, it's gone. I shouldn't be allowed to make LJ entries in that kind of state.

But yeah, suomigoth: The Twilight series by Stepehenie Meyer is in essence about a quite normal girl who finds herself in love with a vampire. And then there are hot and funny Native American werewolves. There are three books out so far: Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse. They're pretty good, even though they frustrate the hell out of me sometimes. :p I think you might like them, though you probably wouldn't take "my side". ;)

Anyway... As if my life isn't strange enough as it is, a couple of odd but pretty interesting new things: firstly, for a couple of days now, I've had a really strong yearning for the Northwestern USA or North America in general. Oregon or Washington, or perhaps British Columbia in Canada. Those books may of course have an influence, as they take place in the Olympic Peninsula in Washington, but it can't be the whole explanation because I have a strong, almost physical need to be there in person. It has subsided somewhat from the day before yesterday, but I can still see these flashes of snow-covered mountains and vast, ancient coniferous forests in front of me sometimes. Very odd. Sometimes a private plane would come so handy.
Another interesting thing is that a girl from the NW forum, somewhat psychic/empathic herself, had a dream of me and another of the forum empaths walking with her in a beautiful forest by a river. Yeah, there's not necessarily anything epic or supernatural about it, but it's interesting nonetheless.

(After a quite a long pause) I just spent almost an hour on phone with my mother.
She's right, I must find a way to do something about my oversensitivity. It won't do to break down on regular basis like this, whenever something is too much for me on emotional level. How can I be of any aid to others when I'm a terrible mess myself?
So: I'll have to start eating and sleeping properly, taking walks in the woods, and most importantly finding myself a some sort of balancing routine and a way of meditating. I really hope there will be a Qigong course somewhere in Turku this spring, it would be the most ideal option.

I feel like a part of me is missing, like someone stole a piece of my soul.
And I hate it. I didn't think I would feel like this ever again.

Damn you.
(I want to howl.)

[/cryptic emo entry]

Ow, my feet.
Remind me to wear comfortable and practical shoes the next time I decide to randomly walk through half the city.

But despite my poor aching limbs, I had a great time tonight.
For starters I finally managed to join the Call of Cthulhu campaign and it was really fun despite my occasional freezing and stuttering because I don't quite know how to play Betsy (heh, I almost wrote "Lizzie" because I'm so accustomed to call all Elizabeths that) yet.
But I think it went pretty well, awkward silences and all. Tommi is a good GM, I've missed challenging and atmospheric RPGs. I'll still miss the Forgotten Realms campaign, though, now that mine and Samuel's school puts it effectively in ice again. We were just about to get into Murann and Ishra and Kieran had had their nice little bonding moment in the outskirts of the elf woods of Suldanessallar, meh.

Anyways, afterwards we left Venla to sleep at Tommi's and headed to Dante's Corner where we stayed until it closed at midnight. Tommi went back home to sleep, taking our guest star Timo with him, but the rest of us didn't want the night to be over yet so we proceeded to Bristol.
There we had some really interesting discussions and debates, like faith vs. science and sense vs. sensibility. Funnily enough I was in the Camp Rational with Samuel "against" the Camp Emotional formed by Ella and Mervi. The main difference is, I guess, that me and Samuel want answers to the mysteries of the universe while Ella and Mervi are content with the world as it is. They don't need to know how things work (like Samuel), or why they work like they do (like me).

It was really a discussion we all would have happily continued, but Mervi's ride came to fetch her home and Ella went too. I could have gone with Ella to crash at her place (my last bus had gone ages ago), but I decided to stay with Samppa and we started wandering aimlessly around while continuing from where we left off in the bar.
We followed the riverbank upriver, passing some positively Where The Wild Roses Grow-esque places, and before we even realized, we were almost in Halinen. Then we walked almost to Runosmäki and then back to Aninkaistensilta where we parted and I walked back home to Runosmäki.

I have to say that walking home alone through dark woods with only heat lightnings and a pale, misty moon as sources of light is quite an interesting experience after playing Cthulhu. *chuckle*
But I could at least be pretty sure it was only my imagination running wild that made me flinch at every tiny sound and moving shadow, unlike earlier when we had walked past some random bushes. I'd suddenly had a strong, completely irrational and unexplainable chilling feeling that made me glance around skittishly. I mentioned it to Samuel and he admitted he had felt the same way. Very interesting, I say... And also very creepy, as the last time I remember feeling like that resulted in me, Ella and Aki running for our lives out of the castle grounds three years ago. *wry smile*

*yawn* Once again I had a lot more to write about, having been computerless for three weeks and all, but it's 6 AM already so I'd better go to sleep. First schoolday after all.

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Iiinteresting... Because Facade says the same.
Though I don't know about that luck part...

Funny, by the way, that by dropping out the first letter of my middle name I changed my personal rune from Jera to Kano which suits me better in my opinion. Though also Ansuz has always somehow felt very close to me.

Oh, and I can never stop laughing at this part of my Facade profile:

"Words that embody the causes of your circumstances are "Cage"."

Mmh, in a way I'd like to get myself a Tarot reading, as a kind of "second opinion" or whatever. It's been two years since my visit to the fortune teller and I'm starting to wonder if anything she said will come true. Not that I think she's faux, because pretty much everything she has predicted to my mother has come true, but... Meh, I don't know.
This annoying suspense is just driving me mad. I just want to know! Is that too much to ask?

Jep, oli kai turha kuvitellakaan, että elämäni voisi muuttua yhtään sen vähemmän omituiseksi.
Helppohan se on neuvoa keskittymään normaaliin, arkipäiväiseen elämään kun jopa normaalissa, arkipäiväisessä elämässä, paikassa ja tilanteessa jossa kaikkein vähiten sitä odottaisi, voi törmätä vaikkapa Aleister Crowleyn akolyytin jälkikasvuun tai jotain muuta yhtä absurdia.

Miksi hitossa aina minä?!

Stephin mukaan "isot rattaat lähtevät pyörimään" lokakuun loppupuolella, mitä se sitten ikinä loppujen lopuksi tarkoittaakaan. En oikein tiedä, miten asiaan pitäisi suhtautua, mutta kaipa se on positiivista, että lopultakin alkaa tapahtua jotain tämän iänikuisen odottelun sijaan.

Lisäksi huomasin hukanneeni hienon pronssisen viikinkilohikäärmesolkeni, kaiketi Taivaan Saarissa. Viimeinen selkeä muistikuvani sen näkemisestä kun on se, kun tarjosin sitä Sampalle lainaksi. Vituttaa aika rankasti jos se nyt on pysyvästi kateissa. Ja jos on, taitaa olla jokin kirous, että hukkaan viitansoljen jokaisessa TS:n osassa. Tai sitten joku vajaaälyinen idiootti kähvelsi ne molemmat.

Tuntuu myös, että siitä TS-nuotioillasta ei tule yhtään mitään.

Jep, tiedän olevani taas positiivisuuden perikuva. Mutta eipä mahda mitään.

Hrr. I'm trembling all over and restless as hell.
I wonder if it's that glowing white thing in the sky that makes me feel like this again.
Can't really focus on writing in a state like this.

Even though now it's officially the 8th day, some superstitious part of me has fun with the thought that it's the night of the 7th of September and the moon is full tonight. September. Seventh sky.

I've been often wondering why the number seven seems to follow me wherever I go.
Though it seems like its meaning has been growing lately. But well... Even though I don't have the number in my birthdate like Ella and Veera do (Ella even thrice), seven was present even when I was born. Pleiades, the Seven Sisters, reach their Northernmost point in the night sky on 31st of October. And that I didn't learn until I found this, which of course already meant something to me as it is. *strokes the pendant hanging around her neck thoughtfully*
Another funny "coincidence" (yeah, still don't believe in 'em) was that I was almost named Sorja which resembles the Arabic name Soraya which means... Yup, The Pleiades. *chuckle*

And what's the September thing all about?
Well, ever since 2003 September has seemed to be a significant month to me in a way.
Mostly someone has appeared to my life and taught me something important. Important on grand scale. I know I'm talking in riddles, but it's better that way, really. Trust me.
Let's see... Three years ago it was Eero. Funny thing, kinda bittersweet in a way.
Two years ago it was Aki. The night at the castle grounds... Ooh boy. *wry smile*
Last year... Hmm... I'm not sure. Nothing like those previous years. Unless maybe... Hmm... It remains to be seen. Maybe this year? Time will tell.

Yeah, I shouldn't be writing stuff like this again, but if someone is going to strike me with a lightning or send the monsters under their bed to bite me in the ass for it, so be it...

And today's lyrics, track number 777 on my playlist:


I'd like to add that that song started playing totally randomly as I was writing this.

*trods off chuckling to herself*

"When you will meet the right one, his happiness will mean the whole world to you."

Hmm. I wonder if that is really what is meant to be.
And can I fight my fate if it is?

I don't want to. I don't.

It's official now.

My life is strange and the Fate is poking me in the ribs with her bony finger and laughing at me in a mocking tone.

I wish I knew what the hell is going on, why is this all happening.
But no, I only have a vague hunch.
But it seems I am not the only one...