The Howling

I feel like there's so much less in my life nowadays. It's mostly my own fault, I suppose, I've given a lot up. But I miss those things.

I miss playing Werewolf: The Apocalypse. I was really fond of Maarit and the Windwalkers pack. I'm really sorry I let Aarne & co. down. I never wanted to become that kind of girlfriend (even though that's not really the whole explanation).
I miss Qigong. I really enjoyed it, and should at least practice it on my own.
I kind of miss my Nightwish fandom, even though it hasn't really been my scene in a year or so anymore. But I miss the people. I just can't handle the drama and responsibility on the forum any longer, and... I'm just not really a fan anymore.

I miss Call of Cthulhu. I miss those long walks and debates with Samuel (where are you, man?). I miss watching movies at Mervi's place and her cats (she lives in Romania now, life's funny sometimes). I miss Whisky Bar and its awesome jukebox. I miss babysitting Tommi and Knaapi when they're being drunken idiots. I miss larping the way it still was four or five years ago.

Hell, I miss having a social life of my own. This place is constantly full of people, but it just makes me feel more lonely because mostly I just feel like I'm in the way. "Oh sorry, don't mind me, I just live here.". One of the main reasons why I spend so much time at Tampere nowadays is because I barely feel like this is my home at all anymore.
And yeah, I have a boyfriend now, but I don't want him to be my entire social life. I really DON'T want to be that kind of girlfriend. *faint panicked look of a cornered animal*

Call me, poke me on Facebook, send me a message in a bottle. Ask me out for a drink, to movies, to the park or riverside to eat ice cream. I can't promise 100% to be in Turku, but if I am I promise I'll come.
I'm already looking forward to Teinigoottipiknik, thank you Venla. <3

(Oh dear God this track gives me chills. ;__; <3)

Hi. I'm alive. In case anyone wondered.
Just one of those minor breakdowns when I become unsocial and absent-minded and spend my days only sleeping, reading and playing Icewind Dale II or something again.

Anyways, today was a pretty good day.

First thing I noticed in the morning was the storm outside. Not a thunderstorm, but one of those typical October storms with howling winds and swaying treetops and swirling leaves. I love them. What made it even better was that it wasn't cold outside.

The second thing that made me smile was the postcard from New York I found from the floor in front of the door on my way to brush my teeth. Can't say the whole thing doesn't still confuse me a bit, but hey: when my life isn't confusing?

Third: I actually managed to drag my ass to the downtown and get some official papers sent (very late, but anyway).

Fourth: I found amazing boots. They're kind of combat boots, but a lot more graceful than my Docs and they have buckles. They're classy, sassy, practical and comfortable all at once. And they cost only 34€. <3

The only bum side was that just when I really wanted to buy some Forgotten Realms books in English, I couldn't find a single one from Akateeminen, and Fantasiapelit was of course already closed when I finally found out its new location. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.
I think I've switched fandoms again, this time back to FR, probably mostly due to the RPG campaign I've been planning. But I just love that universe. I don't think there's a single fantasy world I love as much as I love the Realms, not even Arda (you know, Middle-Earth etc.). Ed Greenwood may be a mediocre writer at best, but damn, bless that guy's imagination.

On a related note, I think Todd Lockwood is my new hero.
I mean, I've always loved his art; I've sometimes loaned the D&D and FR rulebooks from the library only to drool on his concept art (I want him to design me clothes. Or an armor. Or a weapon. Or a dragon. Or...), and he's so far the only cover artist that has managed to get Drizzt right.
But I just spent about an hour on his website and boy, that man rocks. He's funny and witty and seems really laid-back and approachable. Wow. It's always so great to find out that artists you admire for their art are also great people. Now I really want to order one of his works as a poster, but I think I'd need a real credit card. Bummer.

Aah, anyway. More FR -related ramblings possibly later (I even think I have a ficlet brewing inside my head), now I think I should either try writing some e-mails I've supposed to write for ages or go get some sleep as I have to run around the town the whole day again tomorrow. I think I'm leaning towards the latter, sorry guys. *yawn*

Ow, my feet.
Remind me to wear comfortable and practical shoes the next time I decide to randomly walk through half the city.

But despite my poor aching limbs, I had a great time tonight.
For starters I finally managed to join the Call of Cthulhu campaign and it was really fun despite my occasional freezing and stuttering because I don't quite know how to play Betsy (heh, I almost wrote "Lizzie" because I'm so accustomed to call all Elizabeths that) yet.
But I think it went pretty well, awkward silences and all. Tommi is a good GM, I've missed challenging and atmospheric RPGs. I'll still miss the Forgotten Realms campaign, though, now that mine and Samuel's school puts it effectively in ice again. We were just about to get into Murann and Ishra and Kieran had had their nice little bonding moment in the outskirts of the elf woods of Suldanessallar, meh.

Anyways, afterwards we left Venla to sleep at Tommi's and headed to Dante's Corner where we stayed until it closed at midnight. Tommi went back home to sleep, taking our guest star Timo with him, but the rest of us didn't want the night to be over yet so we proceeded to Bristol.
There we had some really interesting discussions and debates, like faith vs. science and sense vs. sensibility. Funnily enough I was in the Camp Rational with Samuel "against" the Camp Emotional formed by Ella and Mervi. The main difference is, I guess, that me and Samuel want answers to the mysteries of the universe while Ella and Mervi are content with the world as it is. They don't need to know how things work (like Samuel), or why they work like they do (like me).

It was really a discussion we all would have happily continued, but Mervi's ride came to fetch her home and Ella went too. I could have gone with Ella to crash at her place (my last bus had gone ages ago), but I decided to stay with Samppa and we started wandering aimlessly around while continuing from where we left off in the bar.
We followed the riverbank upriver, passing some positively Where The Wild Roses Grow-esque places, and before we even realized, we were almost in Halinen. Then we walked almost to Runosmäki and then back to Aninkaistensilta where we parted and I walked back home to Runosmäki.

I have to say that walking home alone through dark woods with only heat lightnings and a pale, misty moon as sources of light is quite an interesting experience after playing Cthulhu. *chuckle*
But I could at least be pretty sure it was only my imagination running wild that made me flinch at every tiny sound and moving shadow, unlike earlier when we had walked past some random bushes. I'd suddenly had a strong, completely irrational and unexplainable chilling feeling that made me glance around skittishly. I mentioned it to Samuel and he admitted he had felt the same way. Very interesting, I say... And also very creepy, as the last time I remember feeling like that resulted in me, Ella and Aki running for our lives out of the castle grounds three years ago. *wry smile*

*yawn* Once again I had a lot more to write about, having been computerless for three weeks and all, but it's 6 AM already so I'd better go to sleep. First schoolday after all.

I had a nice day yesterday.

In the afternoon we went to a Chinese restaurant with Valtsu, Ella and Tommi and had a nice dinner and hilarious conversation (the first thing I heard when I arrived was Tommi and Ella arguing playfully whether or not Ella should protect me from Tommi's advances xD). After we had finished our meals Samuel joined us to have some dessert and then me, Tommi and Samuel left with Ella to go to her place. There we planned our forthcoming World of Warcraft RPG (yes, apparently they got me too...) a bit until Samppa had to go to work.
Then we just had some nice quality time lying on the bed and watching tv lazily until Tommi left to go clubbing with his school friends.
Oh, and they think I should have a boyfriend and planned to set me up on a blind date. It's sweet that they're concerned, but really... I've lived almost 20 years without a boyfriend, so why should I need one now? I'll find myself one when it's the right time.
(Besides... You keep the trolls, darling, I'd rather have a wolf. ;))

We were going to just have a quiet sister-night after that, but then Tommi called and asked us to come to Klubi to listen to some "bad metal" and so we went there. The whole thing was basically just waste of money (6€ for entrance and another 6 for a drink) because those bands (Deathchain, Torture Killer and a band whose name I can't remember. All of them more or less death metal.) weren't really our favorites and the night was nothing special anyway. Well, it wasn't really a disaster either because it's always nice to spend time with my two most beloved ones, but... Yeah.

Though something quite funny happened on my way back home. I ran into an old classmate and she was like: "You were in that Deathchain gig too, right? I saw you there!". Wow, I haven't seen her in years, but I'd never have thought she would become someone you can run into during a death metal gig... Life is strange sometimes.
Wait, did I say sometimes? It's always strange. My life at least.

Meh, I have an urge to express how I'm feeling somehow, but I can't find the right words.
I don't actually even know how I'm feeling. It's like I want to say something, but for some reason I can't or don't dare to... Oh well.
Maybe I'll just shut up and go to sleep. Work tomorrow, and I have to prove them that my physical and mental health are good enough for me to go to practical training.
Gah, shouldn't think about that...

Eilinen oli jokseenkin absurdi päivä.

Heräsimme aamulla kuudelta Ellan luona proppautumaan Conklaavia varten.
Minusta leivottiin banshee, Ellasta hullu skottilainen puolilohikäärme-palkkasoturi, Veerasta transylvanialainen vampyyrityttö, joka on kasvatettu brittiläiseksi herrasmieheksi ja Valtsusta umpihullu Vempire-hahmonsa Apostata.
Herätimme hieman huomiota bussissa ja kaupungilla. :P

Conissa sitten opettelimme pelaamaan Muchkinia (Munchkin Bites rokkaa! \,,/), bongailimme tuttuja ja yritimme näyttää vakuuttavilta.
Kaipa onnistuimmekin siinä, sillä ensin meidän luoksemme etsiytyi Alter Egon toimittaja joka halusi meistä kuvan seuran julkaisuun, ja vähän ajan päästä eksyneen näköinen nainen Turun Sanomista tuli kuvaajan kanssa luoksemme, katseli hetken touhujamme ja pyysi haastattelua ja lupaa kuvata. Toki ne heille myönsimme ja siispä pääsimme tämän päivän lehteen. Artikkeli.

Illemmalla tunnelma kuitenkin alkoi latistua. Ihmiset murjottivat ja kiukuttelivat ja aloin itekin tuntea oloni hieman tukalaksi siinä maskissa ja puvussa.
Vaihdoin siis vaatteet, pesin naamani ja aloin suunnitella kotiinlähtöä kun huomasin Tommin soittaneen.
Se oli sen verran harvinainen tapaus, että soitin hänelle takaisin saadakseni tietää syyn.
Sen seurauksena huomasin olevani yhdentoista aikaan illalla bussissa matkalla Kaarinaan.

Mitään eeppisiä välienselvittelyjä ei meillä tällä kertaa ollut vaan oikeastaan absurdimpaa oli se, että istuimme vain sohvalla Tommin huoneessa, joimme teetä ja katsoimme absurdia (kyllä, se on päivän sana) sotaelokuvaa. Ilmestyskirja. Nyt, anyone?
Sanoja ei oikeastaan tarvittu, ehkä ihan hyvä niin. Niiden aika voi olla myöhemmin.
Olen ihan tyytyväinen, että asiat menivät näin.

Ihmissuhteet voivat kyllä joskus olla todella omituisia.