The Howling

My New Year's resolution, I suppose, could be: "Be more active on LJ."

I don't really even know why I haven't written anything since that latest whine about my love life in November(!!). I mean, there have been many times when I've had a whole post envisioned in my head but for some reason never got around to writing it down. You know what I mean?

But it's funny: I don't know if it's the New Year and a sort of feeling of a clean slate or what, but I have a feeling that something has changed, and I daresay in a positive way. Like I've managed to let go of some burden that has weighed heavy on my shoulders and held me back or something. Strange, really, 'cause I can't say what it is exactly.
Ah well, maybe it's just the slowly but surely increasing light. *shrug*

ETA: Oh, right. I was supposed to talk about the New Year. *facepalm* Thanks, korppis.
We spent it rather traditionally at Ella's family cabin in Laitila (this small rural town a bit north from Turku) by a frozen lake in the middle of the woods. Lots of awesome people, booze, SingStar, a wooden hot tub by the lake, full moon and -30 Celsius. :D
I really felt rather Finnish at one point, running from the cabin to the sauna in the snow and under the starlit sky with a bottle of alcoholic beverage in my hand, wearing only a long woolen jumper and combat boots. At least I didn't yell "Perkele!" as I went. :D It was awesome. <3

Oh! We also have a cat now. Riimu (means "rune"), Tommi's old cat, has been living with his sister for a couple of years, but now she has a boyfriend who's allergic so she decided to give her to us when we were visiting Tommi's parents over the holidays.
She's a lovely creature, especially when you compare her to the previous cat I had. It's nice to be able to walk past a cat lounging on the floor without having to fear for your ankles. xD But then, she's 7 years old already, a graceful lady and not a hotheaded teenager. Though we're considering getting her a playmate sometime soon, an orphan kitty rescued from the streets of Estonia probably. I'm determined to get my Romana. :D

(BTW, I just realized the ornament in my teaspoon resembles the Seal of Rassilon. O_o)

Being more active on LJ isn't the only thing I need to work on, though. The fourth episode of Cloud Islands is approaching and I have four characters to write. I know, it's only four, but I seem to suffer from a horrible writer's block lately. :( I mean, Ares'tes for example, I have a pretty clear vision of what he's like inside my head, but I just have no idea how to put that into words. The fact that I have to write the characters from pre-existing templates and be sure to get all the plots right makes it even harder. I guess I need to discuss that more with Ella and Janina. *sigh*

But hey: I thought I'd lost pretty much all interest towards LARP but now I'm actually looking forward to the WoD scenario in February. And Merirosvopoukama (The Pirate Cove) as well. :)

And I also need to contact Riku (my awesome career counselor) and get my backside back to the library since my only source of income at the moment is the housing allowance, which is some 56€. Yay...
And have the blood tests taken and remember to take my meds every day. This year, I will be better.

Oh, and one more thing: Being Human's second series starts on Sunday! <3<3<3

Huomenna alkavat ne psykologiset testit.
Ehkä -toivottavasti- lopulta selviää mikä päässäni oikein on vialla, miksi olen tällainen.
Oli mikä oli, haluan sen ulos itsestäni. Vaikka olenkin nyt jo paremmassa kontrollissa, tuntuu kuin olisin täynnä negatiivista energiaa. Se tuntuu raskaana painona rintakehässä ja kihelmöi sormenpäissä. "Meissä virtaa musta voima" sanotaan Ajattaran Manan Lapset -biisissä. Se kuvaa tätä olotilaa aika hyvin.
Kun vain tietäisi miten pääsisin ulos tästä oravanpyörästä... *huokaus*

Siihen Taivaan Saaret -nuotioiltaan olisi näillä näkymin pari viikkoa aikaa, mutta aina niin optimistisena luonteena pelkään, että siitäkään ei loppujen lopuksi tule mitään. Ja vaikka kaikki pääsisivätkin paikalle, ei tunnelma olisi sama, tietenkään. Äh.

The freezing cold night by the bonfire, the millions of stars above our heads and the feelings of fear, love, hope, anticipation and uncertainty.

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An almost disbelieving sigh.

"May the Goddess be with you."
"Thank you, friend."

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The riverbank, sunlight dancing on the surface. Footsteps behind me.

"Who are you?"
"Shouldn't you already know?"

A glimmering dragonfly flies past.

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"Varg, put me down!"

Her Royal Highness faints. Gasps of surprise and shock. Some merry cheers... coming from the trolls? I'm laughing and crying at the same time, everything around me is a blur except him. Thundercloud (or was it her?) hands me my hairclip that has fallen off.
I can only smile.

--------------

"Was that a rival suitor?
"No, it was my best friend. No need to fear."
"Ahh, I don't fear anything anymore."

--------------

New threats form the outside. I'm torn between my loyalties to my Queen and my kin and my love and loyalty for him and his people.

"Leafsong, please tell me I don't need to find a new Grand Mage for the House of Earth as well."
"If only I could say that for sure, Your Highness."
 
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-People darting nervously around in their fancy clothes. Anticipation in the air. Half-hysterical jokes and laughter, very few things go as they're planned.

-Relieved smiles. We did it after all. We all did.

-Drinking around the bonfire, general feeling of camaraderie.

-Videocamera madness with naked people covered in cow blood. Simply hilarious.

-Rammstein turns into Marilyn Manson. Some brave ones start dancing, can't resist joining in.
Flames, swaying limbs and bodies. Para-Noir with Veera. Tainted Love, and I'm smiling to myself.  Exhilaration, excitement, exhaustion.

-Everyone else is asleep, only a few of us awake. Olli in the firelight, one arm around Vappu and another around Kirsi. Valtsu looks tired and drunk and he clambers off at some point. After some tunes from Moulin Rouge and Chicago Anna curls up on the bench. Ville being Ville, drinking and smoking and telling dead baby -jokes and crazy true stories. Character analysis on several people. Contentment. Slight sadness when the night is over.

-Cold, clear morning. The world looks different again. Back to reality.

There is absolutely no way this larp can ever come out all right.
It will suck royally, I just know it.
I'm already so goddamn sorry for everyone.

But well, at least we can try to have fun off-game and maybe even enjoy the game itself a bit if no one will take it even halfway seriously. (Okay, who would take a larp with glitter-throwing elves and self-exploding gnomes seriously anyway? Not me...)

Let's just hope my head won't explode with stress before it's all over.
Now I'll send Crescentglow and Evenstar to their players, then sleep a couple of hours and then try to finish the rest. I'm quite sure I will have to brief some of the characters to their players orally before the game, though. That sucks beyond redemption, I know, but I'm simply running out of time. Fuck. *bangs her head agains the desk*

I'm so sorry.
And remember, don't take it seriously. It may work if you don't.

I don't want to think. I don't want to think. I don't want to think. I don't want to think.

Three days to the beginning of my new life.
Fourteen to Cloud Islands.

And I'm terrified as hell.

Remind me to never again make promises I very well know I probably cannot keep.

I can't do anything right.

Gods, I feel so unworthy.

I don't want to think. I don't want to think. I don't want to think. I don't want to think.

*curls up to some dark corner to whimper*

They accepted me to the Paasikiviopisto (=a folk's college where I'll probably be studying journalism for following 10 months.). Kinda cool, though the thought is also quite intimidating.
Will that be the start of my new life? Was I right when I predicted in the end of the last year that this year will be the year of changes, preparing us to the next, important one?
I believe I was.

Now I only hope they will give me a private room because if I have to share a room with someone, anyone, I simply cannot live there. *crosses fingers*
But otherwise I wouldn't mind living there at all, the dorm buildings are really charming.
The only thing that bothers me about that place is the fact that the school grounds are surrounded by a golf-course. And I'm not entirely comfortable in very open spaces (especially if there is a risk to be hit in the head by a golf ball...:p).
But I guess I'll get used to it...

Aeh, only a month left to the Cloud Islands and I've only managed to come up with some ideas for the new characters. And with some of the old ones, I have no idea what to do with them. *sigh* And then there's Karkki with her plans and ideas for the Queen etc.
Sometimes this whole project feels just too chaotic to handle. Too many cooks in the kitchen or something. *sighs again*
But I'll do my best because people are counting on us to deliver a good LARP.

I'm also haunted by a fanfic idea once again, but probably it will remain only an idea because I almost never manage to put my ideas into effect. It would be quite a simple pairing fic with the characters' musings on each other and their own emotions. You can throw a wild guess which pairing it is. *grin*
Especially that one very clear mental image haunts me on such level that I think I may have to write that fic. I just have to find out how to build a story around it, what leads to that particular scene. Hmm...

Oh, I just remembered: yesterday happened something funny.
I was sitting at computer, listening to music and reading something, and my mom was sitting on my bed talking to her boyfriend on phone (she'd had to exile herself to my room because our bathroom is in noisy redecoration). I didn't hear a thing because I listened to music on earphones, but after she had hung up, my mom gestured to me to remove my earphones and asked me why I had just growled. I said I hadn't because I certainly didn't remember I had done so, at least intentionally. She then told it had been a good-natured, pleased sound, something in between a purr and a growl.
Weird. I make wolfish sounds without noticing it myself. O_O

And the obligatory cryptic part of the post:
I hate it that he has to make me so nervous.
No, not the one you probably think.

There.
Over and out.

Hmm, I probably should get meself a life because I can't stop drooling on the new Finntroll live pics from Sauna Open Air. Here.

But they're so... So trollish. Even the prettyboy Vreth makes a decent troll. <3
Hmm, I wonder if I have spent too much time with Ella. :D

Speaking of trolls, we managed to make some decisions about the next episode of Cloud Islands today. So seems like Cloud Islands II - Windwards will be played 16.-18. 9. 2006 somewhere in the wilderness of Mynämäki. \,,/
And we'll go shoot the promo pics this sunday to Ruissalo. I have to go through my wardrobe to find some decent garments for elves, regular humans and corsairs.

I also really have to start thinking about Dawning and Evenstar (yes, I know, they sound so cliché in English. Sarastus sounds much cooler than Dawning. Not to mention Evenstar... :p)
I want Dawning to be cool. And male. And hot, if possible. :D
He's from the House of Fire after all. *giggle*
And Evenstar... She needs to be the opposite to her crazy twin brother. Calm and levelheaded, maybe even somewhat cold. A deep thinker.
Hmm... She'll be such a goth cliché, especially wearing the black and silver of her House. *grin*

Of course we also need a player for her (and to Dawning too, of course). Volunteers? ;)

Ah well, I still have the old characters to update too, of course.
I have to talk to Karkki about the Goldenflame-thing. Because I just think it wouldn't work.
But we'll see...

Stole this from starkku

Mysterious boy You scored 30% masculine, 41% athletic, 54% exotic, and 50% refined!

You like a man who is on the exotic side. Dark and mysterious but not over the top macho. You do, however like a little bit of bad boy in him and he sure knows what to do with his sleeker bod in the bedroom! Someone like.....Johnny Depp. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 5% on masculine You scored higher than 5% on athletic You scored higher than 69% on exotic You scored higher than 58% on refined

Link: The What type of MAN turns you on Test written by thinkandcome on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

What a suprise. :p

Meh. I'm still not entirely sure if I should go to Tampere tomorrow or not.
I know I will regret it if I don't go, but I really couldn't afford it. Waah.
Why can't I just *bamf* there and back or something? Marco's right, there really should be teleports in this world.
But I guess they would be even more expensive than trains... :/

Hmm. We should probably start doing something about The Cloud Islands II.
I'm just browsing throught the websites of various camping sites in Southeastern Finland, but I haven't found a place that would have room enough for about 50 people. Teijo would at least have gorgeous landscapes. I think I have been hiking there when I was still a little scout girl. That hike was pretty disastrous, but I enjoyed the landscapes greatly. But anyway, those huts are too small, they only have beds for 6 people or something, and it would be nice if people wouldn't have to sleep on the floor this time...

We have to have a GM meeting some day... I should probably also start to think what will I do my little elves. Though we should probably first ask the players who wants to continue playing their characters... And I have to decide what will I do with Rainhaze, because Moonlily has probably already lured him to marriage, but the problem is that he can't represent the House of Mist as its General anymore if he's in the House of Moon now because they already have Crescentglow as their General... So if he's married, we can't have him in this larp. And that would be a drag, because Rainhaze is one of my favorites.
I guess I have to negotiate this with his player because he said he wants Rainhaze to join the House of Moon because he (Olli, Rainhaze's player) wants to wear midnight blue and silver. :p Hopefully we can find a solution.

I think we'll also need a new Grand Mage for the House of Fire because Goldenflame and her lover, Prince Moonleaf were expelled from the Elven Realm for treason.
And possibly also a new General for them if Skyfire's still too shocked about Recognizing Morningstar to do her job. :p Though I'd really love to have her around, we didn't have enough sassy and hot-tempered women last time.
And we'll need someone who doesn't hesitate to act, especially now that... Well, you'll see. ;)

Anyway, I should go to sleep now... *yawn*
I already feel guilty because I think I'm not going to Tampere tomorrow. I hate always being the one to cancel things on the last minute.*sigh* I must do something about it, I don't want to always be a disappointment to everyone...

By the way, I had an idea about those flashback-things last night. I realized that the place I see and "feel" is none of the places I've seen, and yet it's all of them. Very strange.
Oh well, Eternal Wait one more time and then to bed...

Minulla on uusi fanfic-idea.
Pitäisi vain jaksaa paneutua siihen.

Taustamateriaaleiksi tarvitsisin ainakin End of Innocencen, Monkey Island -pelejä ja/tai Pirates of the Caribbeanin, jonkin verran tietoa 1700-luvun merenkulusta sekä casanovasin ja neverwandererin.

Joko keksitte, mistä on kyse? *hykertelee*

Ah, kohta pitää varmaan alkaa laittautua sen näköiseksi että voi lähteä ihmisten ilmoille, pj-kokous kun pitäisi kaiketi pitää Taivaan Saarten tiimoilta. Mikä on tietysti edistystä.

Ja jostain kumman syystä minulla on outo halu päästä meren rannalle, nähdä meri.
Merkillistä...