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Sisterhood
8 September 2007 03:58Thank goodness for Mervi.
Sometimes I really think I understand what my older brother must often feel like.
He's a Mensa level genius, you see, so his mind naturally works on a whole different level compared to so-called normal people. It makes him pretty lonely because there aren't very many people who are able to really understand him and it frustrates him to no end.
I'm no genius on any level, but when people don't understand me no matter how many times I try to explain myself to them, it makes me want to bang my head against a stone wall. Which, I guess, is pretty normal.
Most frustrating thing about this is that often those nearest and dearest to me, like my mother and my sister, misunderstand me. If the people who are supposed to know me best don't understand me, what are the chances that someone else would?
But well, I guess the thing that bothers me most right now is that I feel like me and Ella have started to grow apart somehow. Maybe one of us has changed or maybe we've always been so different from each other and it has just lately started to really show.
Of course I've always known she's the type who wants to settle down and have a nice, safe and stable relationship and a whole bunch of kids, but... it's like her "nestbuilder mode" has lately activated and she's become... I don't know, domesticated somehow? She just wants to belong to someone and live peaceful and content life with her family without having to worry about anything else.
And me, I'm still the wild child with commitment issues who loves her freedom above all and to whom the whole idea of domestication is pretty much a horror that can be compared to a cage. And those worlds clash. Boom.
Very good example about this is that whenever the subject of Pirates of the Caribbean comes up, our views about it are totally different.
Mention At World's End to me and I'll start a rant about sexism and character regression and wasted opportunities and lack of logical continuity and whatnot. She didn't mind those things.
And she thinks I prefer Elizabeth with Jack because I identify with Elizabeth and want to be with Jack.
(Le sigh. I don't 'ship like that. Besides, gimme a Scruffington any time, baby.)
As I said, our worlds collide. In a way it's like she's on a wavelength I can hear but can't tune in to while I'm on a wavelength she can occasionally hear through interference noise and can't tune in to at all.
It's really sad because I love her dearly and I feel really guilty about being occasionally arrogant and snappish around her. Thank goodness we are "only" sisters, not lovers, because as nice as the idea of "true love conquering all obstacles" is, it's highly unrealistic. Maybe there are couples that can have a happy relationship without understanding each other, but I just can't even imagine how can that work.
But well, maybe I'm just too demanding. *dry chuckle*
Ah, anyway. As I said, I'm really glad that there is someone like Mervi in this group because as a fellow empath/people-reader she can understand me better than most of the others.
I'm also really humbled that such a strong and amazing person as she is sees herself as my second-in-command as the alpha female of this "pack". *shakes her head* Alpha female? Me?
Gah. It's 6.17 AM again and I once again failed to express my thoughts the way I wanted. Oh well, maybe the reason why people misunderstand me so often is because I can't express myself understandably. *chuckle*
Good morning, kittens.
Sometimes I really think I understand what my older brother must often feel like.
He's a Mensa level genius, you see, so his mind naturally works on a whole different level compared to so-called normal people. It makes him pretty lonely because there aren't very many people who are able to really understand him and it frustrates him to no end.
I'm no genius on any level, but when people don't understand me no matter how many times I try to explain myself to them, it makes me want to bang my head against a stone wall. Which, I guess, is pretty normal.
Most frustrating thing about this is that often those nearest and dearest to me, like my mother and my sister, misunderstand me. If the people who are supposed to know me best don't understand me, what are the chances that someone else would?
But well, I guess the thing that bothers me most right now is that I feel like me and Ella have started to grow apart somehow. Maybe one of us has changed or maybe we've always been so different from each other and it has just lately started to really show.
Of course I've always known she's the type who wants to settle down and have a nice, safe and stable relationship and a whole bunch of kids, but... it's like her "nestbuilder mode" has lately activated and she's become... I don't know, domesticated somehow? She just wants to belong to someone and live peaceful and content life with her family without having to worry about anything else.
And me, I'm still the wild child with commitment issues who loves her freedom above all and to whom the whole idea of domestication is pretty much a horror that can be compared to a cage. And those worlds clash. Boom.
Very good example about this is that whenever the subject of Pirates of the Caribbean comes up, our views about it are totally different.
Mention At World's End to me and I'll start a rant about sexism and character regression and wasted opportunities and lack of logical continuity and whatnot. She didn't mind those things.
And she thinks I prefer Elizabeth with Jack because I identify with Elizabeth and want to be with Jack.
(Le sigh. I don't 'ship like that. Besides, gimme a Scruffington any time, baby.)
As I said, our worlds collide. In a way it's like she's on a wavelength I can hear but can't tune in to while I'm on a wavelength she can occasionally hear through interference noise and can't tune in to at all.
It's really sad because I love her dearly and I feel really guilty about being occasionally arrogant and snappish around her. Thank goodness we are "only" sisters, not lovers, because as nice as the idea of "true love conquering all obstacles" is, it's highly unrealistic. Maybe there are couples that can have a happy relationship without understanding each other, but I just can't even imagine how can that work.
But well, maybe I'm just too demanding. *dry chuckle*
Ah, anyway. As I said, I'm really glad that there is someone like Mervi in this group because as a fellow empath/people-reader she can understand me better than most of the others.
I'm also really humbled that such a strong and amazing person as she is sees herself as my second-in-command as the alpha female of this "pack". *shakes her head* Alpha female? Me?
Gah. It's 6.17 AM again and I once again failed to express my thoughts the way I wanted. Oh well, maybe the reason why people misunderstand me so often is because I can't express myself understandably. *chuckle*
Good morning, kittens.
