Never Love Me
15 December 2006 00:28![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darnaguenAs I was walking (and a mighty great weather for walking there is: stormy winds and starry sky) home an hour or so ago, I thought of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
erinya's great Jack/Elizabeth fic Never Love Me and how I can kinda relate to Lizzie's feelings in that.
While I haven't managed to mess up people's lives on the same scale she has, nor do I have a hot pirate captain with a heart of gold to convince not to love me because everything that loves me dies, I honestly think that people should just steer clear of me.
I don't mean to hurt or offend people, I don't mean to cause them worries and trouble. But I'm thoughtless and indifferent and -yes, indeed- arrogant. I live in my little inpenetratable bubble shutting the world outside and not letting anyone close. I'm not as good person as I would like to be. Hardly the worst one I know, but not a good one either. Not as good as people often believe I am when they first get to know me. But they usually learn the truth soon enough after I have let them down a couple of times.
"I think you want people to hate yourself!"
That's what Kate yelled at Sawyer in Lost a couple of episodes back and she was probably right. If you act like a dick towards everyone from the very beginning, they never start to like you so you never have to disappoint them. And if they despite that manage to get too close, fuck them over so they learn to stay away. Make them hate you as much as you hate yourself because you deserve nothing more. Is that what I have become as well?
But I warn you: Stay away for your own sake.
And by gods, never love me. I will only break your heart.
(By the way, this is NOT addressed to anyone in particular and I'm NOT begging for sympathy, so spare your comments.)
erinya's great Jack/Elizabeth fic Never Love Me and how I can kinda relate to Lizzie's feelings in that. While I haven't managed to mess up people's lives on the same scale she has, nor do I have a hot pirate captain with a heart of gold to convince not to love me because everything that loves me dies, I honestly think that people should just steer clear of me.
I don't mean to hurt or offend people, I don't mean to cause them worries and trouble. But I'm thoughtless and indifferent and -yes, indeed- arrogant. I live in my little inpenetratable bubble shutting the world outside and not letting anyone close. I'm not as good person as I would like to be. Hardly the worst one I know, but not a good one either. Not as good as people often believe I am when they first get to know me. But they usually learn the truth soon enough after I have let them down a couple of times.
"I think you want people to hate yourself!"
That's what Kate yelled at Sawyer in Lost a couple of episodes back and she was probably right. If you act like a dick towards everyone from the very beginning, they never start to like you so you never have to disappoint them. And if they despite that manage to get too close, fuck them over so they learn to stay away. Make them hate you as much as you hate yourself because you deserve nothing more. Is that what I have become as well?
But I warn you: Stay away for your own sake.
And by gods, never love me. I will only break your heart.
(By the way, this is NOT addressed to anyone in particular and I'm NOT begging for sympathy, so spare your comments.)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 15 Dec 2006 11:23 (UTC)But, again , I`m wondering why the heck we have so much in common , since we´re neither related nor did we ever meet....
This is very weird.
-I.-
no subject
Date: 15 Dec 2006 19:31 (UTC)no subject
Date: 15 Dec 2006 23:40 (UTC)