Bloody woman, are you operating in my head now?:) Cause this is exactly the kind of stuff that has been going through my mind lately. And this topic in general has been bothering me for a long, long time. I have been in a relationship, which is my very first one, for three years now, and my boyfriend is undoubtedly the most important person in my life. I do not believe in love at the first sight but with some people you just have the connection, the mutual understanding, right from the beginning.
We were really good friends two years before we started dating, we gradually grew closer and closer, and this is how I would still describe our relationship first and foremost; best friends. And this is, in a way, how I guess I want my partner to be, my best friend and equal, connected and close to me but still a separate, independent person. Thought of living only for someone else or as some kind of a half of a couple, only perfect when united to the other half, is totally terrifying to me, and for some reason it seems like I just cannot do romance as it is tradionally seen. Even if I tried to. And that bothers me every now and then.
I mean, I love him deeply, but I have never experienced the mad, romantic, cant-help-falling-in-love let's-love-like-there-is-no-tomorrow moment. I guess I consider myself a somewhat passionate person on many levels, but still, ultimate closeness or intimacy for me does not have anything to do with being physically close or even around that person.
And just like you, I cannot say if it is because I cannot feel such thing or if I just do not let myself or because there has not been an opportunity to do so. And I really do not want to think that human emotions are some sort of a zero-sum game, but maybe one person just cannot cover whole range of emotions at the same time (this sounds really stupid, though, not to mention a a bit sad). But still, I could believe that for example you are able to experience and relate to other kinds of feelings, which other people could desperately long for.
But of course you would like to experience something that seems special to you and everybody else considers the most incredible feeling in the whole world, and so do I. Well, I do not really know what my point was suppose to be here (or if I got yours right), perhaps just to say that I can relate to how you feel and even after having taken the first step and letting yourself love someone, you can still feel like you are missing out on something. I have also thought about ideas presented above that perhaps the so-called "soul mate" is not the one with whom you can make it partner-wise, and I am not quite sure either. Blaah, life and love are so bloody hard no matter which way you look at them.
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Date: 27 Nov 2007 16:48 (UTC)We were really good friends two years before we started dating, we gradually grew closer and closer, and this is how I would still describe our relationship first and foremost; best friends. And this is, in a way, how I guess I want my partner to be, my best friend and equal, connected and close to me but still a separate, independent person. Thought of living only for someone else or as some kind of a half of a couple, only perfect when united to the other half, is totally terrifying to me, and for some reason it seems like I just cannot do romance as it is tradionally seen. Even if I tried to. And that bothers me every now and then.
I mean, I love him deeply, but I have never experienced the mad, romantic, cant-help-falling-in-love let's-love-like-there-is-no-tomorrow moment. I guess I consider myself a somewhat passionate person on many levels, but still, ultimate closeness or intimacy for me does not have anything to do with being physically close or even around that person.
And just like you, I cannot say if it is because I cannot feel such thing or if I just do not let myself or because there has not been an opportunity to do so. And I really do not want to think that human emotions are some sort of a zero-sum game, but maybe one person just cannot cover whole range of emotions at the same time (this sounds really stupid, though, not to mention a a bit sad). But still, I could believe that for example you are able to experience and relate to other kinds of feelings, which other people could desperately long for.
But of course you would like to experience something that seems special to you and everybody else considers the most incredible feeling in the whole world, and so do I. Well, I do not really know what my point was suppose to be here (or if I got yours right), perhaps just to say that I can relate to how you feel and even after having taken the first step and letting yourself love someone, you can still feel like you are missing out on something. I have also thought about ideas presented above that perhaps the so-called "soul mate" is not the one with whom you can make it partner-wise, and I am not quite sure either. Blaah, life and love are so bloody hard no matter which way you look at them.
-Maarit