Self-destructive Behaviour

I think I should start admitting to myself (as well as the others) that I am not alright, not well.
That is the first step, I guess. But what would be the second one?
To ask for help, or to swallow my pride to do so?
And what would that help be, then? Oh well, I guess I need to talk to someone, someone who is an objective and neutral outsider. So that therapist/whatever person they are sending me to see might not be such a bad idea after all...

Another cure I can think of is the change of sceneries so to say.
As I've said before, I need to get away for a while. But I know I can't do that right now. Bummer.
I think I might want to go hiking when it gets warmer, just for a day or two. Teijo might be a good place to start for a beginner. I think I'll hike Haltiapolku (Elvenpath ;)). :)
And we'll see about that trip to Kitee on 20th of May... I'd love to go, but time will tell.

I have to also find a way to stop this self-destructive behaviour. (No, I don't mean cutting my wrists or anything emo like that...)
I know I'm doing wrong and still I do it. That's not a good thing, not at all.
I really wonder why am I doing it then? Does it have something to do with my signature mortal sin, pride? I guess so... I'm too damn proud, defiant, stubborn and selfish for my own good.

Gah, we'll see if I can make myself go there tomorrow.
At least I don't want another fight with my mother, and she needs her sleep... *sigh*