Self-destructive Behaviour

[darnaguen]

I think I should start admitting to myself (as well as the others) that I am not alright, not well.
That is the first step, I guess. But what would be the second one?
To ask for help, or to swallow my pride to do so?
And what would that help be, then? Oh well, I guess I need to talk to someone, someone who is an objective and neutral outsider. So that therapist/whatever person they are sending me to see might not be such a bad idea after all...

Another cure I can think of is the change of sceneries so to say.
As I've said before, I need to get away for a while. But I know I can't do that right now. Bummer.
I think I might want to go hiking when it gets warmer, just for a day or two. Teijo might be a good place to start for a beginner. I think I'll hike Haltiapolku (Elvenpath ;)). :)
And we'll see about that trip to Kitee on 20th of May... I'd love to go, but time will tell.

I have to also find a way to stop this self-destructive behaviour. (No, I don't mean cutting my wrists or anything emo like that...)
I know I'm doing wrong and still I do it. That's not a good thing, not at all.
I really wonder why am I doing it then? Does it have something to do with my signature mortal sin, pride? I guess so... I'm too damn proud, defiant, stubborn and selfish for my own good.

Gah, we'll see if I can make myself go there tomorrow.
At least I don't want another fight with my mother, and she needs her sleep... *sigh*

Comments

[shadow-wolfess.livejournal.com]

Hun, you will pass through this. I`m just still surprised how can it be that we feel the same at the same time, though for some different reasons. It will go away... everything goes away. You just have to be strong!
Remember, as your husband says "Spirit up!"
*hugs*

[darnaguen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I just have to believe, I guess...
Thank you, dear, and same words to you. *hugs*