darnaguen: (freedom)
[personal profile] darnaguen
Fuck. I hate arguing with Ella.
Okay, not arguing but rather disagreeing, but nevertheless it always makes me feel horrible.
It's completely normal that we disagree about certain things because after all we are quite different, and I do understand her viewpoint. But still. I hate to see my little troll princess upset, especially when I've helped to cause it.
I'm also worried about her as it is, and it feels in me as an uncomfortable weight I can't just shrug off.  And there's nothing I can do to help. I hate it.
And I hate that I have to feel physically horrible every time someone dear to me is feeling miserable.

Could someone please take away my ability to feel everything so bloody strongly?
It's choking me.

She will find her place and purpose in this world eventually, I know it.
But will I? I'm not so sure about that. I'm too bloody stubborn and proud and unwilling to adjust myself to what others and the society expect of me.
No one will put me in chains, ever. No one.

I have often told you stories
About the way I lived
The life of a drifter,
Waiting for the day
When I'd take your hand
And sing you songs
Then maybe you would say:
"Come lay with me, love me."
And I would surely stay.

But now I feel I'm growing older
And the songs that I've sung,
They echo in the distance
Like the sound
Of a windmill goin' 'round.
I guess I'll always be
A soldier of fortune.

Many times I've been a traveler,
I looked for something new.
In days of old
When nights were cold
I wandered without you.
But those days I thought my eyes
Had seen you standing near.
Though blindness is confusing
It shows that you're not here.

Now I feel I'm growing older
And the songs that I have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the sound
Of a windmill goin' 'round
I guess I'll always be
A soldier of fortune.
Yes, I can hear the sound
Of a windmill goin' 'round
I guess I'll always be
A soldier of fortune
I guess I will...

I think I've posted these lyrics before some time. But well, I just felt like it. Once again.
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