All that you can't leave behind

My last night at home. Tomorrow I will move out from the place where I've lived for 12 years.
Very absurd thought, really. Even though I've known for a long time I'm going to move out soon, it somehow came so suddenly.
I have to leave behind a place that has been a home to me and find a new one for myself.
Home is where the heart is, they say. But where is my heart?

A survey thingy I did in Last.fm said that good advice to me at the moment is this song:

( Walk On )

And perhaps it's right. I CAN do this, take the next step and let go of the past.
In fact now that I think of it, maybe 25 kilometers isn't far enough...

Oh, I know I will miss all this; the river, the masts of the tall ships, the castle towers etc. but maybe a completely fresh start in some entirely different place would do me good. That would REALLY be a start of new life.
So in a way this huge leap I am about to take is in fact only a baby step on the road of change.

Meh. Maybe I should try to sleep the last night I can sleep in my own bed.
If you don't hear about me in few days it's probably because I a) don't have my computer in my dorm room yet b) don't have the internet connection (yet). I'll try to use the school computers to check up though.

Goodnight, me hearties.

"Somewhere there my fate revealed. I hear but how will I see?"

Well, I'm back.
At home, that is. Things started going headfirst to hell once again and I just couldn't stay alone there in that barren room.
No, nothing wrong with the room actually, but with the fact they're charging me some 200€ more of it that they were supposed to. And as you can probably tell, I have no such money. Even the 527€ per month would have been tough price enough to pay.

I was going to go back there with the last bus, but now I'm not that sure anymore.
After crying a bit, talking to Ella in phone (thanks love, I really needed that *hugs*) and eating something (haven't really eaten in about 12 hours), the familiar defiance is rising its head again.
I know "To hell with all!" attitude isn't the best possible attitude in a situation like this, but I guess it's some kind of psychological shielding mechanism. So I think I'll try to take it easy tonight, watch The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (Stuart Townsend, rowr...) from TV and try redoing some Cloud Islands stuff.  I can worry about school stuff tomorrow.
And hey, maybe this path wasn't meant for me after all... Or then the Fate is laughing mockingly at me once again.