"With first snow I'll be gone..."

[darnaguen]

A year ago fell the first snow.
The cold winds whirled the snow around outside of the Hartwall Arena even though it eventually turned into water. A good thing that I had remembered to take my umbrella with me.

A couple of hours later when the show was over I burst into tears and cried for hours, unable to speak, unable to explain even to myself why I was crying so desolately.
And the following night, around 3 am I learned the reason for it.

I just watched End of an Era for the third or fourth time, I'm not sure.
Anyway, even though it's getting easier each time I watch it, it still feels bad to see Tuomas in that state. I'm so glad it's all over now.

It will probably never cease to amaze and confuse me, that strange connection I seem to have to him. I will probably never find an answer to the question "Why?", but I may be closer to the answer to the question "How?" now after some interesting conversations and that documentary.

Oh well, I'd better stop now before... Yeah.

Funny by the way that today of all the days my Resurrection NW flag keeps falling off the wall and the NW website is down due to a virus threat. Should that be taken as some ominous sign or something? Ah well, luckily I don't believe in signs. :p

Comments

[lumenlaulu.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. I can't talk about my feelings even to my friends either. I doubt that they would ever understand. Many times I even doubt myself: what if I'm just being fangirlie, what if I'm just imagining things? The only thing I can count on, is this: I have met Tuomas once, before I knew who he was, so this huge impact that this guy had on me is not result he being famous, talented musician and so on. I guess I'll never know why he feels so familiar and close to me.