"With first snow I'll be gone..."

[darnaguen]

A year ago fell the first snow.
The cold winds whirled the snow around outside of the Hartwall Arena even though it eventually turned into water. A good thing that I had remembered to take my umbrella with me.

A couple of hours later when the show was over I burst into tears and cried for hours, unable to speak, unable to explain even to myself why I was crying so desolately.
And the following night, around 3 am I learned the reason for it.

I just watched End of an Era for the third or fourth time, I'm not sure.
Anyway, even though it's getting easier each time I watch it, it still feels bad to see Tuomas in that state. I'm so glad it's all over now.

It will probably never cease to amaze and confuse me, that strange connection I seem to have to him. I will probably never find an answer to the question "Why?", but I may be closer to the answer to the question "How?" now after some interesting conversations and that documentary.

Oh well, I'd better stop now before... Yeah.

Funny by the way that today of all the days my Resurrection NW flag keeps falling off the wall and the NW website is down due to a virus threat. Should that be taken as some ominous sign or something? Ah well, luckily I don't believe in signs. :p

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah. You`re not the only one who`s experiencing a puzzling connection to him , sensing things without actually knowing them first ... It`s definitely not easy to deal with . Sometimes quite unsettling. But these are interesting experiences, too, in a very special way. Don`t you think ? Hmm, the Aquarian Age...

[darnaguen.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed... *wistful smile*
Damn that guy for sending out such a strong signal, not very much fun for the other empaths to feel miserable every time he is feeling miserable.
Though so far you're the only one who seems to sense his moods as strongly as me that I've encountered. Glad I'm not alone, makes me feel less crazy. *chuckle*

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I think phenomena like these are increasing these days. It`s just hard to find someone who understands. Most people get the "rolling-eyes-syndrome" when things like that are mentioned in their presence..... ;)
So I hardly ever talk about it. It`s easier this way.
Hopefully Tuomas is not aware of his "effects"...

But nice to know there`s a "fellow-sufferer"...*g*

[darnaguen.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know what you mean, and I agree. It definetely is increasing.
And I also know what you mean with the "rolling-eyes-syndrome" though I think I'm in lucky position, being surrounded by more or less psychic people (feels like at least every other person I meet is a psychic of some sort nowadays...). But bringing up Tuomas still includes a risk of being labeled simply an obsessed, delusional fangirl. *sigh*

[(Anonymous)]

Yup, exactly . I hardly even dare talk about Nw ....

It´s ok though , because talking to someone who reacts the "usual" way (as in...omg, you`re another crazed Tuomas-fanatic, grow up ...) confuses me even more than NOT talking at all, because it makes me feel like, what if they`re right after all...

You`re lucky that you have psychic friends you can talk to . :)

[lumenlaulu.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. I can't talk about my feelings even to my friends either. I doubt that they would ever understand. Many times I even doubt myself: what if I'm just being fangirlie, what if I'm just imagining things? The only thing I can count on, is this: I have met Tuomas once, before I knew who he was, so this huge impact that this guy had on me is not result he being famous, talented musician and so on. I guess I'll never know why he feels so familiar and close to me.

[silent-she-wolf.livejournal.com]

I hardly noticed it`s been a year since Tarja was fired but you know how much obsessed I am with Th atm. I`m just unable to focus on anything else than Th :P Anyway I remember very well how hard time it was for me. I was depressed because my good friend once again kicked my ass and left, I changed school, I was overwhelmed by the amout of things I had to learn and my whole world - Nightwish seemed to fall apart. Even now shivers go down my spine when I think about October 05 but I believe Nw will rock in the way they have never done so far. I keep my fingers crossed for them and I still want to go to their concert (yes! I really do) because now I`m true fan of their music ;)

As far as the connection to Tuomas is concerned I believe it must be hard to feel his emotions, his pain, sufferning and other negative feelings... I`ve never experienced sth like this. I don`t have any special powers or maybe it`s the matter of my egoism and self-centredness ? ;P

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I really do think that a lot of sensitive people would probably feel some more or less special powers , it`s our " negative vibes " blocking and suppressing them ...
And those of us who do experience some , like that "Tuomas-thing", it might be just the tip of the iceberg because there`s more, hidden beneath selfishness, anger ,fear, depression and so on.

For myself, I`d rather not find out though. I`d probably not be able to live with it...

[shadow-wolfess.livejournal.com]

Hmm...I thought they fixed out the virus-thing..
what, is this someone`s revenge? xD
And I watched EoI yesterday.. It brings a lot more positive emotions and it`s better to drown in those times, than in what happened lately.

[(Anonymous)]

So good to hear about your experiences. I seem to have some kind of a
connection with Tuomas as well, though a bit different from yours. I actually
feel like he is somehow sensing my innermost feelings, living in me,knowing
the secret hopes, longings and feelings I cannot admit having to anyone, even
myself. Watching that documentary was almost scary.... It is like if there is
this little Tuomas inside me, buried under all my defences, insecurities, even
bitternes, maybe , fighting to break free....

I must sound like a deluded maniac, I know, but somehow I thought you might
just understand it ....:)

[(Anonymous)]

Mg , that sounds awful , I think it would drive me over the edge somehow ! Do you feel, like, watched or controlled by that "little Tuomas" inside you ?Can you...turn it off, just to relax for a while and escape ?

So I guess I shouldn`t complain about my problem then.I didn`t though, did I ? Don`t think so...Actually, I would kind of miss it, if it was suddenly "gone".

-I.-

[darnaguen.livejournal.com]

Oh, another I see... I wonder if this connection thingy has been increasing lately or have people just started talking about it more... Wonder if he has any idea about it? *gets lost in thought*

How do you experience the thing you described? Can you prove it somehow (no, I don't doubt you, don't worry) or is it just how you feel?

Whatever it is, it could be explained by my theory.
He's a so-called empath, just like me and some other people I know, and just like he explained in the documentary, he senses easily other people's feelings and moods, receives signals so to say. And if he indeed does -apparently subconsciously- "read" you like you described, it could be that he for some reason picks up the "signal" you subconsciously send very easily.

And the reason why other people sense his moods, have him appear randomly in their dreams etc. seems to be that he apparently compensates the signals he receives by sending out a very strong signal of his own, "an universal call for aid" like one of my psychic friends described it, and those people who are sensitive to things like that, empaths especially, pick up that signal.
I've reasoned to myself that I receive that signal he sends so strongly because he and I are so much alike on many levels and thus are "on the same wavelenght".

But I guess this is one of those things you can't really explain, not with any scientifical logic anyway...

My sincerest sympathies anyway. *smiles*

[lumenlaulu.livejournal.com]

Hmmm.... Piti ihan etsiä netistä tietoa siitä, että millainen empaatti oikeastaan on, ja tunnistin kyllä osasta kuvauksia itseni ja sain selityksen monille asioille, joita olen vuosien mittaan kokenut ja koen edelleen. Mutta en oikein koskaan ajatellut, että se olisi mikään "erikoiskyky", vaan se oli aina vain osa minua, se kuka olen.

Mutta hyvää, hiukan myöhästynyttä syntymäpäivää! Olenkin tässä monena päivänä pohtinutkin, että mitä sinulle kuuluu ja vahtinut blogiasi. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Hi,

It has been a while since this entry, I hope you will still find my reply? These weird feelings I have are mainly related to some conversations I have had with him in my dreams, the strong emotions I experince when playing his music with the piano and the fact that lately all his comments I have seen in papers. etc are somehow coinciding with my own thoughts of the time. And sometimes it is just the gripping, all-consuming feeling...

I have always considered myself as a reasonable, logical thinker type of a person, so I have thought about these feelings of mine and others quite a bit, trying to find some explanations. I guess one reason why so many people relate to him is his rare, brave way of putting some of his innermost feeling out in the open, exposing himself. No matter what he says himself, in my opinion many of his feelings are still very innocent and pure in a way. We all, or most of us, have at least remains of those basic human feelings left too, and probaly have not found any other person to share them with or have not even realised they are there...

That cannot of course explain everything and your signal transmission theory sounds plausible to me. I believe that these are kind of things we will never totally understand, and I kind of like to keep it that way. Sometimes, when I feel my head is exploding, I wish I did not have these feeling and thoughts to carry with me, but it still beats the crap out of living in this world your eyes closed to all its questions, secrets and mysteries.

And I actually do not mind communicating with for example you through this very specific Tuomas-antenna.:)

Maarit

[darnaguen.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, I receive an e-mail notification every time there is a new comment in my LJ. :)

After reading what you wrote I'm even more sure about him being... well, not exactly a normal human being. Oh, he's human alright, but a very special one somehow. I've jokingly called him a "Starchild" for a while now because well... watching the documentary, I got the feeling that even his family members sometimes wonder just who is their son/little brother. It's like he was accidentally born into wrong world or something and is struggling to adjust himself with its rules and realities. *chuckle* I can actually relate to that in a way.

I think he's not consciously aware of it at all and would probably be quite surprised if people told him about all this mystical stuff that seems to be going on around him. Though it seems like he's learning about it slowly, meeting John Two-Hawks was probably one important point. During the Wishmaster era he said he doesn't believe in destiny/fate. I wonder if he does now. *wistful smile*

Maybe one day, perhaps in not too distant future we all learn what is the meaning of these things we're experiencing and how it is all connected. Because there must be a reason for it, there is a reason for everything.

And now that I've made myself sound like some nutcase New Age guru, I'd better just quit my rambling. :p

[(Anonymous)]

It is funny how the nutcase ramblings can sometimes make all the sense in the world.:) Yes, I agree that somehow he is so close to many of us and still like from an other planet (still strictly metaphorically speaking :D). Indeed he sometimes does not seem to fit to this world, this era...

It will be very exciting to see how this situation will evolve in future.

Hyvää itsenäisyyspäivää sinulle! Bless the child ja kynttilät tuovat lämpöä pimeään...

-M

31.Oct.2006

[(Anonymous)]

Just noticed/realized:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !
Hmm, being born on Halloween - coincidence ? ; P

-I.-

Re: 31.Oct.2006

[darnaguen.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you. :)
And well... I pretty much don't believe in coincidences. ;D